Thursday, March 22, 2007; 1:07 AM
soldiers come and go
I don't quite know what is wrong with me. I keep brushing my hair and walking over to my kitchen; standing in front of my fridge with the door open, repeatedly, almost every five minutes or so. Y'know, it wouldn't actually be so bad if there was actually something useful in my fridge, like ice-cream or strawberry cake, but there isn't, and I'm not looking for anything to eat, I'm just staring. It's not like anything overly dramatic has happened in my life, and I can't say I'm stressed - because I have two major assignments all due in less than two weeks and I am still as yet completely clueless as to how to go about completing them, or to even juggle the time between work and everything else to do them, and I am this close to biting off all my nails and bursting into tears.

And now I found a wonderful website that has all the episodes of the final season of OC (yes, I'm one of those people who watch the OC, it's the kind of show I hate and yet need to know what happens in every next episode) for me to watch, and I just click. And click. And click. And click. Sitting alone in the dark with the light from my screen bouncing off my face, wrapped up in a warm jacket, just clicking aimlessly. Surfing the net, going to almost every website in my Bookmarks, which is a lot, and getting so frustrated at myself because I just cannot seem to find the motivation to work - or do anything remotely productive. It feels like I'm going crazy. And then I think maybe I should just go join a cheerleading squad and quit everything else in life. Just, quit.

The only thing I seem capable of doing at this moment is walking over to my kitchen, opening my fridge door and staring blankly inside it, biting my nails and running my fingers through my hair. Repeatedly, almost every five minutes or so.

And for the record, I'm not even a nail-biter.

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Anonymous lynn said...
*hugs* Oh man, story of my life. I did that a lot back home. After sitting at the desktop for a while, I'd suddenly get up and walk aimlessly... to the kitchen, usually, open the fridge and realise I'm not even looking for anything in there. I don't do that now that I'm in a hostel with a public kitchen, but it's been replaced with YouTube camping (just like your OC camping ^^;).

I'm sure it's a combination of procrastination and stress (and two major assignments in less than two weeks = every reason for stress), but don't beat yourself up over it. I dunno how to get yourself moving--I guess most people would suggest taking a walk--but it's usually the looming deadline within 24 hours that gets me panicking enough to start working. Bad, I know, but that's what happens.

My friends have testified to the therapeutic effects of jogging on stress, though. You did track and field before, maybe a good run tomorrow might get you outta the rut?

Blogger Nastasya said...
Mmmmmmm...... I normally do something to this extent when I'm depressed or just really restless. =\ *huuuuuuuugssss* I hope you get better.... and.... don't worry, things usually work themselves out. Good luck with your assignments! *HUG*

Blogger Yin said...
Usually the looming deadline thing gets me working too, but this time I just stare at the assignment and my mind goes completely blank, no clue or motivation how to go about it whatsoever. And then slamming the book shut after a few miserable attempts to get it. D: D: D:

The run sounds good, but I'm going horse-riding tomorrow, would that be a good substitute? xD *has not run in ages and will probably faint after 5 metres or so* xDD

Thanks guys, j00 are awesome. <33 *hugs*