I am Yin, and this is my heart :
l-r (top): corrinne, the boss, (bottom l-r) MJY, me, sammy
As if the days lately haven't been good enough, it just got that little bit better today. McCool
stopped by to visit me at work again, and it wasn't to buy coffee, he came 'just because'
and he 'wanted to talk'
. True, he wanted to talk about Uni matters, but he still came to talk, and I still felt my pulse race and this time I made him take my free coffee, even though it was the worst Flat White in the world, because my hands were shaking so much. But I felt weak when he grinned at me from behind his Oakley sunglasses as we stood in silence across the counter, and then I strengthened my resolve to stop fangirling, but oh, he's so pretty
, it's like God chiseled his face to perfection.
A dear old lady stopped to sit by the roadside today; I asked her if she was okay and she thanked me. And it was a little thing that meant a lot, to either one of us.
I'm actually quite shocked at myself. I know that there are people who love me - my friends love me, my family loves me, my boyfriend loves me - and I know that I should be incredibly grateful for all I have, and I am, I really am. But somehow I feel like I should be more thankful. I have a lot more than others less fortunate do, but I don't know how to show
how grateful I am, other than to feel it. Sometimes I don't think I'm worthy of people being so nice to me. I don't know what I can do to thank my blessings, or to show how much all the people around me mean to me, I really don't. I want to, but I don't know what I can do besides smile and bake cookies and listen and pick up your pencils that drop onto the floor.
But despite everything, these are the people that I fucking love.
I think I've established the fact that I don't know anything, many many times before in my blog(s), but all I know at the moment is my heart bends around, and it wraps us over the knees, flips us upside down and somehow we remain standing and then we come around. It's like the rollercoaster you always wanted to ride as a kid, and you dream that once you get on you're never getting off, even if the ride will inevitably come to an end. But who ever thinks about the end of a rollercoaster ride anyway? All that matters is actually getting on it, staying on, and having as much fun as the price of your ticket allows.
Labels: birthday, friends, mccool, photos, ramblings