Friday, April 27, 2007; 9:39 PM
Maybe life is a song
Boys are strange, as Aerith so aptly put it, she'll never understand men and the need to hide their feelings. Geeky as it sounds, I'll have to agree - even though the feminine sex is more commonly viewed as unpredictable and hard to understand, I find the workings of a male mind far harder to decipher than us girls.

A perfect specimen would be McCool, whom I have been fortunate enough to be acquainted to lately, thanks to him stopping by at my workplace every day I'm working, and intriguing long MSN conversations nightly. Before any misunderstandings crop up, not in that way, because we are in a completely platonic relationship where by some very strange twist, I have suddenly found myself pushed headlong into the role of 'best female friend/sister/dude', of which I'm not quite sure if I should be enthusiastic about or not. Trust me - a donkey and a cow would have more romantic tension than McCool and I, which is a good thing - because I already have a wonderful boyfriend that means the world.

Nevertheless, I'm surprised at the twist in events - just a month ago I wouldn't even have dreamt that McCool and I could ever possibly be friends. It doesn't change things that much though, because when we're in Uni McCool still treats me like I'm more invisible than that fly on the wall, which is extremely typical McCool behaviour : think a real-life version of Squall, only more extreme. Yes, someone like that does exist, unbelievable as it seems! McCool gives me heart attacks when I talk to him in Uni, because he makes me feel like merely saying Hi is a highly dangerous risk to my life. I swear....the looks he gives me - it's screaming, "Who are you and why the fuck are you talking to me?!"
Quite understandable why I backed away in shock after saying Good Afternoon to him in the studio yesterday.

And then you flip 180 degrees when it's just you and me, or when we're talking online and you morph into this completely different person which makes my brain explode in a confused whirlwind of sorts; how is it even possible for one person to have such completely contrasting personalities?!?! One second I'm fearful for my life just by looking at you, and the next you have me rolling on the ground reduced to helpless tears of laugher. Oh, boys!

You let me scratch you just that little bit beneath the surface before your high defence walls sprung up again, but from what you've let me see, it made me sad and I think that maybe I can understand you, even if just a little bit. Maybe it's just me, but this always seems to happen to me! All the quiet, anti-social, cold, distant people always attract me to them somehow, boys and girls alike. It's intriguing. Now I just have to peel away at McCool until he completely lowers his defences for me, and I can't even help it. I'm not sure if I want to, because McCool is McCool and he wouldn't be McCool without the Cool, but oh! Why did you have to lower that wall just a fraction -- just a fraction of that escaped loneliness was enough to make me want to help you, and I can't stop myself now.

And then you suddenly said you wanted to give me something and it was just because it was useless to you - but you liar - who on earth goes into Swarovski to buy something just for the sake of it - and then you gave the game away by the fact that's it been sitting on your desk for a while and using my birthday as an excuse - you didn't even know my name when it was my birthday - so when you arkwardly thrusted that perfectly sculpted, shiny piece of crystal into my hands with the typical gruff, embarassed male look on your face, I didn't quite know what to feel except that I saw right through you, and I was glad that you finally, maybe, found a friend. That's why you stop by my workplace daily, right? Not for the free coffees - you're not much of a coffee person anyway - but because it reminds you of your younger days when you used to keep your best friend company while he worked - and now he's not around, and you miss that, and that's why you're here. Even though I'm pretty sure you're not this silent and distant around your best friend, but it's still a good feeling to be making coffees and having you stand embarassedly nearby in your typical McCool silence.

Also, the thought of you going into Swarovski to pick out something cutesy made me giggle uncontrollably, also the fact that you almost bought that webcam because it had shark avatars following your head around - you figured I'd be the only one who would be amused by it, oh, because "girls like cutesy and funny stuff, right?"

Maybe life is a song, but you're just too afraid to sing along.

And you're completely right, of course, the 'You' that I know doesn't come around much. At all. Most of the time I don't even know which is the real 'you'.

Touche, touche.