Wednesday, May 2, 2007; 12:50 AM
in every way
We finally had our first fight - and it's inevitable because obviously, we clash - you're an arsehole, a smartarse who couldn't care less, and I'm an obnoxiously straighforward, stubborn, selfish brat. In arguments, you're cold and bitter and I'm indignant and confused. After a few bouts of lathering on the emotional punches, we suddenly realized that we're bickering - like normal people do - and I found it surprisingly refreshing. I hated that you didn't care, and you hated that I didn't care - even though we were both too proud to admit it, and you gave up but I wouldn't let you. Then we rolled our eyes at each other and made up, started laughing and ended up talking until 3 am, once again. You looked at me for a while with this strange look on your face when you thought I wasn't looking, but I was looking at you too, and we smiled at each other and started telling each other to go to sleep. You were surprised that I have my hair let down, but I tell you that I always do, it's just that you usually never take any notice of me.

These few days spent with you have been the wildest rollercoaster of feelings I've ever experienced in my entire life, full of bursts of random emotion, heart-stopping rushes of adrenaline and never knowing what to expect. It's thrilling, and exciting, and nerve-racking and everything runs in a zig-zag motion where left isn't right and right isn't wrong. It's the first time I've ever experienced this kind of excitement with anyone - a rush of blood to the head. At first I compared you to him, but now I see the complete and utter difference, and if anything, you remind me most of Rei Kashino from Mars, complete with the bad-boy spontaineity and tender moments. You drive me crazy, and I never know what's going to happen when I'm with you, and it's incredible and wild and I feel like you're the door to this whole new, crazy, unpredictable world - completely outside of my safety net, my security blanket, and it's the thrill of stepping outside into the unknown that's making me want to run. There's no security with you, and no stability, and everything is suddenly not-so-innocent - but there's so much colour. I love how open and casual you are around me, how you tell me everything, how we can lapse in and out of comfortable silences and excited chattering. You lack the formality I sorely despise, I lack the patronising tone you deeply hate.

You escape with me, and you take me away from the mundane everyday that we're both so tired of. We're both tired of being alone and tired of silence and tired of taking crap from people around us, we both want to move out and we both laugh like crazy over the same silly things. It's no wonder we get along, and it's strange how well we click when just a month ago we barely knew each other's names. We're both damaged but we're not beyond repair. But we understand pain, and we understand despair, and most importantly, we understand loneliness. I'm the first girl you've been able to tell things to, and you're the first guy who's actually been able to decipher my hidden meanings with every word that comes out of my mouth. Not even my brother can do that, and he's my closest male relative.

And yet we probably won't be friends or talk to each other anymore in a year from now, because we're both ridiculously fickle and we're both much too stubborn to hold on.

It's hoping for the inevitable, but I hope it never happens.

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