Thursday, May 10, 2007; 11:36 PM
Ma mer de sang (my sea of blood)
I don't know how to deal with you. I don't know how to deal with you because I've never met anyone who is so messed up before, and I've met many many many messed up people. I don't know how to deal with you when you get into one of your anger fits and I can't do anything except wish I could do something. It's not that I'm scared, because I know no matter how angry you get, you wouldn't possibly hurt me, right? But I don't know what to say or how to react when you're desperate and... broken, and all I can do is tenderly touch you where you're bleeding, and tell you in a soft whisper that you shouldn't hurt yourself like this.

I don't know how to deal when you're so broken - I know you lower your walls around me, and I know you're defenceless when I'm with you, but I don't know how to deal when you're really broken and I don't know what to say or do to make things any better. I can help put on the band-aids on your bleeding physical wounds, but I don't know what to do for your mental ones, which probably hurt a thousand times more. For someone so violent, you have a really gentle face, but there are moments when your gentle eyes give even me the chills. And when that happens you raise your walls again, even when it's just me. There's a brief tenderness, but everything else is hackles and I don't have any gloves.

I've never met anyone quite as disturbed as you, and all the colours flowing around you are sad. And yet, I felt a little better when I touched you with my fingertips, and you looked up, smiled and said Thanks. And then you looked a little sadly thoughtful when I told you that you didn't scare me, and you said I was the first person to ever say that. It was only for a fleeting moment, but it was there. This is the first time I've seen you melt like this, and it's the first time I've seen your violent, aggresive side, even though you didn't really let me see it per se. I wish I could know what went on in Tomoe's mind when Kenshin raised that sword to her neck, because it sure would come in handy for when your next fit of violence comes around.

Maybe tomorrow I should take you to the seaside, where we can just sit and lean against each other.