Tuesday, May 15, 2007; 11:09 PM
you don't care if the world were to end?
Like any other soft-hearted girl, I am easily warmed by the way you decide to text me every single night, without fail, even if you were just right by my side a minute ago - to be careful when going home, eat a proper dinner, sleep early.... etc.

I thought you wouldn't tonight, because you already said it to me to my face as you left the studio with a smile, and you're heading for that concert you've been waiting all your life for and obviously, surely, something as trivial as SMSing me to stay safe would be the last thing on your mind. Behold, I was pleasantly surprised to have my phone sing to me as I daydreamed my way home on the train, you telling me to get some rest and be careful, just as usual, even if at that moment you were probably busy doing something else a thousand times more important.

Even more surprising was you texting me first thing when you woke up in the early morning, because you knew I would be alone at work, exhausted out of my mind. I stared at my phone in surprise as you rolled out of bed - the first thing you did was think of me and SMSed me, then you rolled over and promptly fell asleep again. I called you an idiot, but it's always nice to know somebody is thinking of you, and actually expressing it, even if you were tired yourself just because you stayed up with me all night as I worked on my assignments. You make such a big deal of how exhausted I am, but you silly, you're the one that's exhausted as well.

You completely changed your plans for the day when I sighed and told you that I had to work last minute, so you completely rearranged your schedule to pick me up from work and commute into the city with me. I'm amazed at your thoughtfulness, and touched by your gestures. Even though you don't show any emotion at all on your pretty face, it's nice to have someone there to greet me after work and the way you look at me when I yawn and rub my eyes, and hold all the doors open for me, and the way you anxiously run across the street to meet me - and then the very next minute we start bickering over something silly and I lash out at you for saying something completely cruel and insensitive, but then I pull you out of the rain to stand under the shelter with me, because you've purposely been standing allowing yourself to get wet, just so I can stay dry.
Last night I lamented to you about how I think I'm fat and should lose about 5 kgs, and you immediately wrapped your fist around my upper arm and fiercely pointed out that I'm not fat, and if I dare lose so much as 0.5 grams, you'd shave your head immediately, because you know I love your long hair so reminiscent of Rei Kashino from Mars.

We have a strange relationship, our now quite staunch friendship reminds me of my friendship with Zahir back in my high school days, although it is different, because you can be such an arsehole and I can be such a trainwreck. There's a certain kind of gentleness in the way you act towards me, a side of you that noone's ever seen before, and you're gentle even when you're saying something horribly cold and cutting; it's brief moments like that where you actually seem like a normal defenceless boy, and the way you don't quite know what to do when I'm around you.

You treat me like a girl, and I think I miss that. I've always been 'one of the guys' and I thought it would be that way as well once I became friends with you, but I love the way you look out for me. I want someone to look out for me. You recognize my silent cries for attention, even when I'm saying I'm fine, and I recognize your silent loneliness underneath your emotionless eyes. This sounds like a very twisted friendship, but everytime you tell me I'm special, I want to cry.

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