Independence is a strange kind of freedom. It's the freedom to ride your horse at any given time you like, the freedom to hop on that bus to any unknown destination, the freedom to take your driving test and hope you don't fail, the freedom to earn your own money - it's the feeling of being to do just what you want, whenever you want, however you want.
I can't tell if it's a blessing or a curse, to be free to wander down that path on your own as you like, without having to worry if anyone beside you wants to wander down a different path. On one hand it's lovely to feel that feeling of empowerment - that you don't need
anybody, and you can rely on yourself and guide yourself and make it through - on the other hand you always wonder just how it would be like to bicker a little with somebody over which path to take, to point out puddles and share sandwiches with.
Co-dependence and independence aren't intertwined at all, if you think about it closely from a different perspective. It's either one or the other, and something always goes a little wrong somewhere, because the grass is always, always greener on the other side, even if it looks brown and parched and in much desperate need of an automatic sprinkler.
Girls never really say what they mean, and when I said "No", I really meant, "Yes you stupid ignorant fool, get on that stupid bus, I don't care if you have to wake a few hours early, get your arse there or never speak to me again."
People can't really ever get by on their own - for me, I can't get by without my crazy friends; MJY and Sammy - and I feel breathlessly relieved that I can at least see MJY tomorrow, and yet a little part of me doesn't really want to, doesn't really want to.
Everyone should hop on a tram and travel aimlessly in circles round and round the city, because in winter the wind is biting cold and even the flies go into hiding, escaping the tingling chill which makes the soul silent and the heart ache just a little bit, just a little bit.
Just a little bit.
Labels: random, thoughts