Saturday, July 7, 2007; 1:02 AM
it's cruel
My dog is missing.

I woke up in the middle of the night hearing my brother talk to my mother about it, and my heart grew stone cold. He's been missing. He's been missing for almost a week and I didn't know up till now. Nobody told me because nobody knew how to tell me. Because the moment I heard, my world fell apart. Time stopped. Everything that was right and good was now completely the opposite. Because I cried all night and didn't sleep a wink.

We've been pasting up missing posters everywhere for ages. I've posted in all the Malaysian dog forums I could find, so has my brother. My mother booked an emergency flight home tomorrow afternoon to go look for him.

I would give my life to have him safe and sound. I cannot bear the thought of him wandering out there somewhere, lost and alone. And if it was indeed the maid who sold him....I am going to fire her and send her back to her country and report her to the police and shove all my shoes up her ass till it can fit no more.

I can't cry anymore. I've been crying for two days straight now. Today I spent the entire day in your arms as you patiently kept me company and tolerated me and now we're both hurt, and I can't fix you. Not now, not right now. It hurts me when you say things like that, but I can't do anything, because I can't help you. I don't know what you want. You're breaking me as well, and I can't deal with this, I can't deal with losing my best friend, my confidante, my lifeline .... and now have to deal with losing you as well.

I'm never enough, I'm just never enough. You never should have done this. You never should have told me you love me, because now you just don't love me anymore, and I don't know what to do.

Yesterday you told me you love me so fucking much and would never leave me, and today you're doing just the opposite.

I always don't know what to do. No matter how big or grand things are, they get destroyed in the end. Things that were here today will dissapear tomorrow. They always get destroyed. We seem strong, but we're weak. We seem weak, but we're strong. In the end, we still have to sleep. We even get hungry. We go out and greet our friends just like we did yesterday. Life goes on as if nothing had ever happened.

I want to go somewhere. Somewhere far away. Where I can be reborn.