Monday, December 10, 2007; 8:43 PM
Just some itty bitty feelings aka Emo post
Why does it feel like if I take my eyes off you for a second or let go of your arm, you'll dissapear - fade away and never come back?
It scares me, like how you'll just vanish immediately.

Please don't dissapear, because I don't know what I'd do if you did.

I don't know why, maybe it's something you said to me today about finding someone else. Why does everyone always tell me to find someone else? I'm not some item that can be passed around like a Pass The Parcel game. It was the same with a boy I once knew for a long, long time - and I gave him up for you, and even until today I feel a silent pang of guilt and sadness when I think about it - he didn't fight to keep me to stay, and you're not fighting either.

Nobody asks me to stay. It makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me, or if I'm really that undesirable.

And yet I'm so happy and comfortable when I'm with you, and it scares me to see how much I need you and how scared I am to know you don't need me as much as that. So if you dissapear too, I don't know what I'd do. Sometimes you say something out of the blue or touch me in a certain way that makes me so incredibly happy and I just want to stay by your side forever and I feel that you're just as much in love as I am - and sometimes I feel you're not. Sometimes I steal a glance at your face and it makes me sad. I've pressed the Reset button on my heart so many times now just so problems that have surfaced are wiped away and I don't want to worry if they will break us. Today I asked if you would marry me because I want to be with you forever, and you told me to stop, and I wonder if we could be together forever or maybe I'm thinking too much. I guess I'm just scared.
Everytime I cry I wish you would just shut up and hold me like you used to.

But everytime you smile at me I want to believe that you could be special. Special people don't dissapear.

Some of the best moments in my life have been by your side.
Please let there be more to come.