Sunday, April 29, 2007; 3:53 AM
I'm sleep deprived because of you
McCool : as enjoyable as this is...
it is VERY late

Yin : its 330 OH GOD

McCool : what u doin tmrw

Yin : I HAVE WORK LOL
I HAVE TO GET UP IN A FEW HOURS LOLOL
WHAT HAVE WE DONE

McCool : you know I've never spoken to anyone on my list for this long before
hahahaha

Yin : It's a personal best
but wow, this is a record, even for me!
I can hear birds singing! This is not good! Hahahaha

McCool : I actually enjoy this

Yin : haha the sun is going to rise soon
what have we done lol


LOL that was last night.

Tonight, we talked until 4am. (okay, I was doing assignments as well but WTF)

4 AM!!!


I've never spoken with someone on messenger until 4 am. In my entire life!!! What do we talk about?! We just seem to have so much to talk about!!!

Yin : I think we broke our own record.

McCool : Every night seems later than the previous!
You should get some sleep. You only had a few hours last night.

Yin : Thanks to you, lol. Okay, let's call it quits for now. You need your beauty sleep.

McCool : You need it more!
I don't need to be 'beautiful' if I'm already 'cool'. hahahahahaaaahahaa


Oh, McCool.

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Friday, April 27, 2007; 9:39 PM
Maybe life is a song
Boys are strange, as Aerith so aptly put it, she'll never understand men and the need to hide their feelings. Geeky as it sounds, I'll have to agree - even though the feminine sex is more commonly viewed as unpredictable and hard to understand, I find the workings of a male mind far harder to decipher than us girls.

A perfect specimen would be McCool, whom I have been fortunate enough to be acquainted to lately, thanks to him stopping by at my workplace every day I'm working, and intriguing long MSN conversations nightly. Before any misunderstandings crop up, not in that way, because we are in a completely platonic relationship where by some very strange twist, I have suddenly found myself pushed headlong into the role of 'best female friend/sister/dude', of which I'm not quite sure if I should be enthusiastic about or not. Trust me - a donkey and a cow would have more romantic tension than McCool and I, which is a good thing - because I already have a wonderful boyfriend that means the world.

Nevertheless, I'm surprised at the twist in events - just a month ago I wouldn't even have dreamt that McCool and I could ever possibly be friends. It doesn't change things that much though, because when we're in Uni McCool still treats me like I'm more invisible than that fly on the wall, which is extremely typical McCool behaviour : think a real-life version of Squall, only more extreme. Yes, someone like that does exist, unbelievable as it seems! McCool gives me heart attacks when I talk to him in Uni, because he makes me feel like merely saying Hi is a highly dangerous risk to my life. I swear....the looks he gives me - it's screaming, "Who are you and why the fuck are you talking to me?!"
Quite understandable why I backed away in shock after saying Good Afternoon to him in the studio yesterday.

And then you flip 180 degrees when it's just you and me, or when we're talking online and you morph into this completely different person which makes my brain explode in a confused whirlwind of sorts; how is it even possible for one person to have such completely contrasting personalities?!?! One second I'm fearful for my life just by looking at you, and the next you have me rolling on the ground reduced to helpless tears of laugher. Oh, boys!

You let me scratch you just that little bit beneath the surface before your high defence walls sprung up again, but from what you've let me see, it made me sad and I think that maybe I can understand you, even if just a little bit. Maybe it's just me, but this always seems to happen to me! All the quiet, anti-social, cold, distant people always attract me to them somehow, boys and girls alike. It's intriguing. Now I just have to peel away at McCool until he completely lowers his defences for me, and I can't even help it. I'm not sure if I want to, because McCool is McCool and he wouldn't be McCool without the Cool, but oh! Why did you have to lower that wall just a fraction -- just a fraction of that escaped loneliness was enough to make me want to help you, and I can't stop myself now.

And then you suddenly said you wanted to give me something and it was just because it was useless to you - but you liar - who on earth goes into Swarovski to buy something just for the sake of it - and then you gave the game away by the fact that's it been sitting on your desk for a while and using my birthday as an excuse - you didn't even know my name when it was my birthday - so when you arkwardly thrusted that perfectly sculpted, shiny piece of crystal into my hands with the typical gruff, embarassed male look on your face, I didn't quite know what to feel except that I saw right through you, and I was glad that you finally, maybe, found a friend. That's why you stop by my workplace daily, right? Not for the free coffees - you're not much of a coffee person anyway - but because it reminds you of your younger days when you used to keep your best friend company while he worked - and now he's not around, and you miss that, and that's why you're here. Even though I'm pretty sure you're not this silent and distant around your best friend, but it's still a good feeling to be making coffees and having you stand embarassedly nearby in your typical McCool silence.

Also, the thought of you going into Swarovski to pick out something cutesy made me giggle uncontrollably, also the fact that you almost bought that webcam because it had shark avatars following your head around - you figured I'd be the only one who would be amused by it, oh, because "girls like cutesy and funny stuff, right?"

Maybe life is a song, but you're just too afraid to sing along.

And you're completely right, of course, the 'You' that I know doesn't come around much. At all. Most of the time I don't even know which is the real 'you'.

Touche, touche.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007; 7:55 PM
I know, I know, I know - I feel the same as you
After a nice, long day resting at home yesterday, I chauffered my butt down to the barn today for a ride on Midnight. I was early, so I sat on his fence in the sunlight as he sauntered up to me from across the paddock and nuzzled me.

He's sweet, and he feels like mine, and he's possibly the only horse in the entire barn that will walk beside me from his paddock to just about wherever I want him to go - without a lead rope. It's very cute, when I take him out I just unclip the rope and he follows me around, so all I have to do is walk to the stalls and he's right there with me, then I just need to hang the rope on the post and he stands there for me like a lamb.

Anyways, I had a fantastic ride on him. We jumped out in the showjumping arena for the first time this year, and it was great! Midnight was delighted to be out in the open, and his ears were all pricked and alert and he was forward and he just wanted to go! He even popped himself over two small crossrails on his own accord! Alex laughed and laughed - my baby is so adorable.

Well we jumped some big jumps, high and fast - Midnight was feeling quite frisky so this was the first time ever I've had to hold him in, surprisingly. He tried to take off on several occasions and I was ahead of him and left behind at some jumps, and once he spooked rather violently at God Knows What - but it was fun - I didn't fall off or anything and it was fantastic to be jumping out in the open again. A couple of gung-ho teenage girls were galloping their ponies next door so Midnight got pretty excited and wanted to run as well. Plus, the weather was simply heavenly! Endless blue skies as far as the eye can see, lazy white clouds and a lovely breeze. You couldn't wish for better riding weather, and it's such an inexplicable amazing feeling when you're feeling the same enthusiasm as your horse!

So yes, overall a pretty good day. I had a great night last night too, what with working on assignments whilst having intriguing 6-hour long MSN conversations (I miss having those!) and Sammy turned me into a ridiculous laughing fool at the train station today with her random Harry Potter Man-Meat SMS. I actually woke up today with a huge, cheesy smile on my face and happy music has been blaring through my mp3 player all day, so let's hope this uplifting mood carries on! I've cleared off all my debt, I got a fantastic, amazing, unbelievable sky-high pay rise from Coffee Bean, my Uni enrolments are finally fixed, I've made a precious new friend and everything is working out wonderful!

I hope everything is going well for you guys too! ♥

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007; 2:47 PM
Somewhere in my memory


I find it strangely surreal and ironic in a way - that just last night I dreamt about Gina, my lovely Pomeranian dog who passed away more than four years ago. I was gently awakened from the dream by my handphone ringing its alarm subtly. I woke up and groaning, turned over to pick up my phone and see what was this alert all about. It was horrifically uncanny that the flashing screen on my mobile read : Today 24th April - Gina's death anniversary.

At first I was a little sad, then I laid my head on my pillow and smiled. The dream had been sweet. It was as always - the way it's always been for years and years - me and my brother would come home from school in my dad's car, and we'd grab our bags and run to the front door, racing and yelling at the top of our voices. Our door was a perfectly white-grilled one, and Gina would always come running as fast as her little legs could take her, barking at the top of her voice. It wasn't a normal doggy bark either, she had a special sound just to welcome us home. It went something along the lines of "Aru--ruu--ruu!!!" and me and my brother always laughed ourselves silly at her and imitated her affectionately, so Coming-Home-From-School time was always a loud occasion of resounding "Aru-ruu-ruu"'s all around.

She would jump up and down in excitement, pawing the grill like nothing could possibly be better than having us home, and we'd kick off our shoes and open the door as fast as our little hands could turn the key, then she'd cannonball on us in turns. I would drop to my knees and allow her doggy little self to pounce and lick me all over as fast and noisily as possible, on occasion I would even let her pin me to the ground, laughing helplessly and breathlessly as she assaulted me in a flailing whirlwind of fur and whiskers.

We loved little Gina. When she was alive, she was easily the Mistress of the House. She wasn't as fluffy or well-groomed as your typical poofy Pomeranians due to a life-threathening operation she had underwent as a young teen, but there was still a dignified, ladylike air to her and she demanded respect and made sure she got it. She was the sole responsible one for disciplining my goofy Romario when he joined my doggy household, despite him being almost two feet larger then herself. She would growl ferociously and pull sharply on his whiskers everytime he acted much too silly, and it was always comical sight to see this large, dashing dog submit humbly to a tiny, fluffy queen.

She also had the privilege of living indoors, and due to her size was free to enter or exit the house as she wished. She had privilege to sleep on couches, and once she grew too old to jump, she demanded to be lifted in a most respectable manner onto the couches. Many a time has she fallen asleep on my lap, on the best pillow, whilst watching a movie. She also has full ownership of the front lawn, where she obnoxiously lies right in the middle of it to sunbathe, completely ignoring the needs of anyone who wants to park their car or water the plants. Unlike Romario who lived outside, she had her own little corner (but really, she owned the entire house pretty much) with her own luxurious basket and blankets, and even claimed for herself an old Snoopy plush toy that used to belong to my aunt when she was a little girl.

We loved Gina, and we loved the way she would come running to us whenever we called, and the way she tried to hide in the most unscrupulous places when it was bath time and the way she always happily waited under the table to eat the awful greens that we didn't. We loved the way she kept us company at night during freak thunderstorms or electricity failures, and the way she proudly settled in one corner of the kitchen to keep Mom company during cooking, and the way she ran around our feet when we were excited. I used to lift her onto her hindlegs and dance madly around with her, even if it probably did hurt her, she never seemed to mind for my joy, and the way I would cradle her in my arms and twirl ourselves around like a helicopter and then put her down and we would both be wobbly and dizzy and struggle to find our balance.

We loved her, and our little hearts shattered the evening we came running home from school as usual, yelling "Aruu-ruu-ruu~!!" at the top of our lungs, only to find - in a miserable cardboard box outside the perfectly white, grilled front door - her stiff, lifeless body, eyes still open and legs splayed out arkwardly in such an undignified manner completely unsuited for her royal self.

It was a still evening, with the perfect blue sky and summer clouds, and nothing else could be heard except the single, heart-breaking howl that escaped my brother's ragged throat, and the whines of Romario as he sniffed her body in puzzlement, wondering why she didn't reprimand him as usual. Me? My tears poured silently down my face, because no sound could escape my lips, not even a small "Aruu-ruu-ruu." My brother went to get a spade and I was bid with the heart-breaking task of carrying her cold body all the way round the huge garden to the backyard, where we chose a perfect spot for her to sleep forever. My grandmother solemnly stood with us as my brother ferociously dug into the soil, his tears staining the dirt and mud with every hard strike. My father watched from afar, and I wonder how sad the scene must have looked to a grown-up, two small, 14 year old children valiantly digging a grave for their best friend - nay, family member - one a tough young lad, now with tears running down his hard cheekbones as he dug a grave, and one small, helpless girl, holding a much-loved bundle of fur in her arms as she weeped silently. And even though my father and grandmother said nothing, you could see the pain etched on their faces - wheter it was for our behalf or not, we know for a fact that it was pain - because they loved Gina too.

We lay her gently in the soft earth when it was deep enough, and tried to shut her eyes - but the body was too stiff, too cold. We had to cover her with her eyes still open, and this was the last straw. I threw my head into my arms and wailed and wailed, and my brother bit his lip and stubbornly kept shoving the earth back into place, but I could literally see his teardrops fall with a splatter onto the earth he was pushing.

It was a quiet evening, and it turned into a even quieter night, and I remember going into the kitchen as my Mom cooked, and she was standing silently over the wok, ferociously digging into a chicken dish with the stove on full-blast, but there were tears running down her face as she violently cooked - and we knew it was because this time there was no little dog settled proudly in one corner of the kitchen to keep her company.

Gina was very old when she died, and out vet was surprised at her age. She had passed the average lifespan of her breed, and he smiled and told us that she must have lived a good life, and must have loved and been loved more than her little doggy heart could ever hope for, and it was almost a miracle that she had lived for so long. "She must have had a lot to live for." was what he said to us, and this time we didn't cry, we smiled.

I smiled this morning at my beeping alarm, and I still remember it as clearly as before and the grief will never really dissapear. Sure, 'it's just a dog', is what some people might say, but they never know that it's never really just a dog. For all who have had the privilege to own or love a dog(s), and to be honoured by their love, you will understand how they leave a permanent mark on the soul, never gone, never forgotten, and how you will always remember and honour their companionship, their devotion, their unrivalled chivalry and the beauty in their soft eyes that holds the depth of the universe and all the love in the world.
I lost control and let myself cry again, today, even as I'm typing this, because you never really move on from burying your own family member, but I cry, and then I smile, because it's not really a death anniversary after all. It's a celebration of her life. I visit her grave every day I'm back in Malaysia and the flowers where she lays bloom as beautifully as that perfect blue sky the evening she died, and for all we know, she's still alive and she still runs to greet us when we come home, yelping in her high-pitched, doggy little voice, "Aruu-ruu-ruu-ruu~!!!!"


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Sunday, April 22, 2007; 11:30 PM
Another freak accident
The only place where I have regular narrow brushes with death or serious injury is the barn. Hahaha, it makes me feel like a cat with nine lives. How many lives have I used up already?

Today another (painful) freak accident happened, and this time it's purely 100% my own reckless fault. Cedar was standing in the cross-ties and I had put his bridle on and was buckling his halter on over his bridle. I looped the reins over his neck, then realized that I had the lead rope clip on the other side of his face all twisted. Thinking nothing of it, I reached to correct it without moving over to the other side, like how I often do. (which, really, shouldn't be done at all. People, please remember never to behave in such a dangerously ignorant manner around horses!)

Cedar was in a foul mood and jerked his head sharply and ferociously upwards, just as I was fumbling with the clip. Oh god. The next thing I know, I was lifted clean off my feet, slammed so hard into the wooden post of the stall and crashed into a crumpled heap on the ground, where I lay groaning. Cedar freaked a little at the impact, and thank goodness I was holding on to his reins and I had enough sense not to let go. In a split second I saw him freak and instinctively I gasped and pulled as hard as I could downward on his reins, to lower his head, because if I hadn't, he might have stomped right down on me as I lay helplessly at his feet, and his heavy 1200 pound self would have broken all of my ribs, god, if a rib should penetrate my heart, I'd be dead.
I was panicking, but I managed to call out, "Whoa...whoa! Easy, easy." He stopped jigging and I rolled myself out from under his feet and caught my breath. My head was hurting, my left ribs hurt so goddamn painfully where he had caught me as he slammed up off my feet, and my lower back was throbbing from where I had crashed and landed.

It was so painful, I couldn't stand for a few minutes, I could just lie there on the ground, gasping in pain and clutching my ribs, wondering if I had fractured anything. The pain in my ribs were so intense I could barely breath, it came in sharp, short gasps - and my eyes were swimming. After a while, I made myself hobble on to my feet, only to almost buckle over and fall down again. I pulled against the pole for support and limped around in pain, my entire left leg had gone completely numb from the pain in my back. But after a bit of hobbling, the numbness faded. With shaking hands I fastened Cedar's cross-ties properly and leaned against the post to recover.

I felt much better after a while. My lower back still hurts a little, but it isn't anything bad and the pain in my ribs is completely gone now, so I'm assuming nothing is cracked or fractured or broken, thank goodness and all that is holy. If something had happened, I would have laid there seriously injured with nobody around at all to give help. What if I had banged my head and fallen unconscious? I don't even want to think about it.

Oh man, I feel like such an idiot. That was really dangerous, lol. Thrilling but dangerous. I really need to learn my lesson and make a determined mental note to exercise a bit more caution when I'm working with these animals. I've never appreciated my ribs more in my entire life!! :D

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Saturday, April 21, 2007; 11:35 PM
My best friend is engaged
She emailed me today, on my birthday, because even though we haven't seen each other in at least a year, she still remembers, because she never forgets - and if she does forget I'd make her remember anyway.

She emails me and she tells me she's engaged. And she's never been in love before, so now she's in love, and she eagerly shares with me photos of her fiance and I am shocked. I am shocked and I stare with wide eyes at my screen as my breathing grows shallow. She asks me, are they a good match? Do you think we'd get along well? And oh, I can't believe this is happening, but I'm sure he's a good man, what do you think, does he look honest?

She always asks me for my opinion on everything, and I always give her an answer, but this time I honestly don't know how to answer, because obviously I've never been a strong advocate of arranged marriages, especially of the traditional kind - but she's in love, and she's happy, and she's giddy - and I can't attend her wedding.

I can't attend her wedding because she's getting married all the way in India, and so many years ago we shrieked at each other almost every day how we absolutely *must* be each others' bridesmaids, and how we'd point and laugh as we walk down the aisle, and how we'd have crazy pillow fights during our bridal showers.

She's always insisted she would never fall in love, or develop a crush on any boy in high school, because she's just waiting for her parents to set her life's course out for her - but back then she had dreams, she had big dreams, we all did. I always laughed and refused to believe she never crushed on anybody in high school, and this is the first time she's ever told me she's crazy in love with someone, and I want to hug her and cry and cry and cry but I can't.

We used to spend every waking moment together, from the early hours in the morning groaning about school assembly to the wee hours of the night having sleepovers and trying on silly outfits. Now she's gone - and she'll be gone for good - and I resent it, I hate it and I hate it, but it's selfish and I can't do anything about it, but she's a part of me and I miss her so frickin' much, and I'll miss her even more when she gets married next month and probably dissapears from my life for good - and whatever happened to Friends Forever?

I love her and I'm so happy for her. I really am. I look at the photos she's sent me, and she's all decked out in her engagement outfit, with red lipstick under a blue veil, and she's blushing, and she's happy - and I just cry and cry and cry like an stupid, messed-up idiot in front of my screen because I'm so happy for her and I love her so much and I never want to lose her and I know we're all finally growing up and MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED NEXT MONTH and it just hits me like a sharp, hard rock - harder and sharper than any blast of wind, and I don't want us to grow up if we grow apart as well - and fuck, why am I crying - this is so stupid of me, but I really am so happy.

It's so fast and so surreal and so sudden, it doesn't feel real and I'm worried if this guy will give her the love and attention she so deserves, and I really really really really want to see her, and I want to hug her so hard and scream with her, because she's in love, and I'm so happy she's in love, and I want to threaten the guy that I'll shove my shoe where the sun don't shine if he so much as raises his voice at her. But I can't see her, and I can't say anything, and my throat is dry and all I can do is cry - out of happiness? Self-pity? Shock? I don't know, but I know if she were here now, she'd tell me to quit snivelling but then she'd start crying too and then we'd end up hugging each other and wailing our lungs out. I wish her happiness. I wish her so much happiness, more happiness than the world could ever contain and that it overflows and spills out and spreads, and all the joy in the world would not be enough.

She's my best friend. We grew up together. We've been together since kindergarten. She still remembers my birthday, even if this time I didn't make her remember. And it's been what, 15 years of my life that we've been best friends and I couldn't possibly wish for a greater happiness to befall her other than this. Oh god, I'm going to compile the BEST wedding package ever and mail it off to her in place of my attendance.

It hasn't been a very good birthday. It was cold and raining, for one, and I didn't exactly have the best day of my life either. It was alright, but that's about it. Yeah, that's about it. To be honest, I really wish I could see either MJY or Sammy right now, because I really really want to hug somebody and cry my eyes out.

Edit : oh, okay maybe not that bad. McCool just added me on MSN. He asked someone else for my contact. UM. Why?? What??! McCool doesn't acknowledge my existence!! He never talks to me! I mean, we never talk! What's going on?! I feel so bad cause I didn't know it was him on MSN and I completely ignored him, thinking it was another random stranger, and then he was like O Hay its me and I completely freaked, and now I feel somewhat panicky, whatdoIsaywhatdoIdo??! uh crap crap crap why why why mccool idk, I chose to stay away from you and now you keep planting yourself on my doorstep, DONT PLZ, stay away stay away stay away, your prettiness blinds me to all that is right, and this is wrong, so YIN GET A GRIP don't let the prettiness blind you! Don't!!!

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Friday, April 20, 2007; 10:09 PM
I am Yin, and this is my heart :


l-r (top): corrinne, the boss, (bottom l-r) MJY, me, sammy

As if the days lately haven't been good enough, it just got that little bit better today. McCool stopped by to visit me at work again, and it wasn't to buy coffee, he came 'just because' and he 'wanted to talk'. True, he wanted to talk about Uni matters, but he still came to talk, and I still felt my pulse race and this time I made him take my free coffee, even though it was the worst Flat White in the world, because my hands were shaking so much. But I felt weak when he grinned at me from behind his Oakley sunglasses as we stood in silence across the counter, and then I strengthened my resolve to stop fangirling, but oh, he's so pretty, it's like God chiseled his face to perfection.

A dear old lady stopped to sit by the roadside today; I asked her if she was okay and she thanked me. And it was a little thing that meant a lot, to either one of us.

I'm actually quite shocked at myself. I know that there are people who love me - my friends love me, my family loves me, my boyfriend loves me - and I know that I should be incredibly grateful for all I have, and I am, I really am. But somehow I feel like I should be more thankful. I have a lot more than others less fortunate do, but I don't know how to show how grateful I am, other than to feel it. Sometimes I don't think I'm worthy of people being so nice to me. I don't know what I can do to thank my blessings, or to show how much all the people around me mean to me, I really don't. I want to, but I don't know what I can do besides smile and bake cookies and listen and pick up your pencils that drop onto the floor.

But despite everything, these are the people that I fucking love.





I think I've established the fact that I don't know anything, many many times before in my blog(s), but all I know at the moment is my heart bends around, and it wraps us over the knees, flips us upside down and somehow we remain standing and then we come around. It's like the rollercoaster you always wanted to ride as a kid, and you dream that once you get on you're never getting off, even if the ride will inevitably come to an end. But who ever thinks about the end of a rollercoaster ride anyway? All that matters is actually getting on it, staying on, and having as much fun as the price of your ticket allows.



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300 levels of happiness :)
Alright, I'm hyper and happy and on a sugar-high and I think if I grin anymore my cheeks are going to pop out.

Went into Uni today and we had made plans to watch 300 after class. We finished early, so we trooped up to Joe's apartment to hang out before the movie started. Corinne had a church session, so she left us. Me, Sammy and The Boss were playing video games and MJY suddenly declared he had to go check the mail.

More than half an hour went by and MJY still hadn't returned, so Sammy rings him up. She told me he went to check the swimming pool out. I was all, "Wtf? Does he want to swim or something?!" but she said he was coming back now, so we could go get the movie tickets. So I was admiring the view from MJY's balcony, then went back in to watch The Boss play some Yakuza game out of boredom. We heard the key turn in the lock and we looked up, waiting to rant on MJY for taking so long. Sammy glanced at me with this really monkey-like mischevious expression on her face, and then --

MJY came in, with Corinne in tow - and they were holding this gorgeous cake all lit up with candles and stuff, with massive grins on their faces.
"SURPRISE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YIN~!!"

I kind of just sat still and stared, completely taken aback, and then almost screamed but-not-quite, all I could do was gasp and hide my face in my hands and shriek, "Omg Shut Up Shut Up You Guys Shut Up Omg Omg Omg."

Oh god. Oh my god. YOU GUYS. I HATE YOU GUYS OK. NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE YOU.

Omg, it was awesome. I've always wished someone would throw me a Birthday Surprise, ever since I was a little kid - and this is the first time anyone's ever surprised me like this, and oh shit, you guys, I hate you guys so much I want to hug you all to death!!!! I was so unbelievably happy, but god, I didn't know how to show my happiness, I just stood there and stared and squealed and almost wanted to cry, but not-quite, and I felt like a complete mess and it was incredible and I love you guys so frickin' much!!!
Granted, my birthday is on Saturday - not today - but since they wouldn't be seeing me on Saturday they wanted to celebrate it with me today instead. HOW SWEET IS THAT!

"YOU!!! YOU!! Weren't you supposed to be going to church!?!?" I pounced on Corinne as she cackled delightedly, revealing their strategy of sending her to pick up the cake and MJY 'checking the mail' as an excuse.
"So he wasn't checking out the pool?!?!" I turned to Sammy in shock. "No, of course not! You believe everything I say!! I was so relieved you fell for it!"
"Did you know about this as well?!?!" I demanded from The Boss and he very sheepishly admitted his part in the scheme.

And then they shoved a huge bag into my hands with a huge present inside it, and an envelope, and I opened it and it was a HAND-MADE CARD from all of them, they drew it and coloured it and printed it out themselves and OH SO MUCH LOVE and there was Cloud and Horses and Greys Anatomy and I LOVE THEM and shut up I'm never going to forgive them! The Boss gave me a movie voucher which coincidentally was incredibly handy for 300 tonight!

So we blew the candles and cut the cake and it was hands down the most delicious cake I've ever had in my entire life, filled with my absolute favourite strawberries and chocolate and cream and friendship and all the warm fuzzies in the world. It was from Brunetti's, one of the best cake parlours in Melbourne and I always wanted to try their cakes, it was perfect.

I kept shrieking how much I hate you all, and they know me so well, Sammy knows exactly what I mean when I say I hate her, and she grins and is all like, "Yeah yeah! We know you love us!" She knows I mostly mean the exact opposite of what I say, but GOD THESE PEOPLE are the reason I exist in Melbourne!!!

Then we looked at the time and realized we would be late for half-naked pretty men if we didn't run now, so MJY and Sammy made a mad sprint for the cinemas while I went with The Boss to grab a cheeseburger.

But Yes, 300 was awesome!!! OH SO MANY ABS. ♥ A bit too muscly to be really enjoyed, but oh god - the pretty boys!! That dude, the son of the captain, he was the prettiest!! I screamed when he was decapitated, oh no, my pretty boy, my pretty pretty boy!! Why do pretty boys die so quick?! And the two best friends were so hot, oh god, this film was so many levels of eye candy, it's the best (early) birthday treat ever.
Horrendously gory though, probably one of the goriest films I've ever seen, and I had a heart attack almost every five minutes and winced at almost every scene. Ugh! It was so fun though, we screamed like mad and laughed like mad and we just cracked up at the littlest things, it was soooo fun. I was horrified at all the violence and gasped and moaned and shrieked everytime someone's limb went flying, and The Boss kept analysing the graphics and MJY and Sammy wouldn't stop laughing, it was awesome. And we all fell arkwardly silent during the sex scenes, only to giggle immaturely at his butt gleaming in the moonlight. I laughed so hard at the ~*~orgasm~*~ because it looked so fake and it reminded me of some hilarious comments on ONTD back when Grey's Anatomy had that sex scene, and I just cracked up and MJY probably thought I was crazy. Her face though!! AHAHAHAHAHAA. Am I the only one who saw the humour in it? No? <.< >.>

But the worst part in my opinion was when they slashed off the horses's legs. I screamed so loud, "OH MY GOD!!" that MJY and Sammy just exploded into fits of laughter. The horse, the poor horse!! Why'd they have to do that!! xDD Oh man, don't go to the movies with me. I turn every movie experience into crack! Sammy says it's fun to go to the cinemas with me, and I shall take that as a compliment.

Oh man, 300 is so full of crack. I feel traumatized and yet highly amused. It's so gory, and you wince and cringe, but you can't help but laugh too. I would totally do it again, even if just for the pretty pretty boys and OH ALL THOSE RIPLING MUSCLES AND ABS. ♥ YESSS PLEASE.

All our conversation from now on shall have subtle 300 references in them. I know eet!!

I got home and delicately opened the present, taking care not to rip the wrapping paper - and out fell onto my lap a white hoodie - because they frickin' remembered that I have been valiantly searching for a white jacket since forever, even though I just casually mentioned it in a conversation a long time ago. At this point, I couldn't take it anymore and burst into tears, because I'm so happy and touched and grateful and overwhelmed and amazed to think that they would think enough of me as a person to actually go to such lengths for me, and I actually have friends, good friends at that, and shut up, this is hands down one of the best birthday celebrations of my life. It's not so much everything, but it is everything, and it's especially the people and the thoughts and effort they put into this, and I'm just completely overwhelmed and blown away and no words, eloquent or not, could describe the immeasurable amount of love I feel for these batshit insane people. I just never thought I was worthy of such joy, y'know?

Okay, so tired now, I got home around almost midnight. Will post pictures and all that jazz later. But it's pretty official though - MY FRIENDS ARE ~*~*~*~THE BEST~*~*~*~!!!!

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Thursday, April 19, 2007; 3:14 AM
Beneath the floodlights


My deepest condolences to the families and victims of the Virginia Tech Massacre. It's horrible, but humanity is not all ugly.

I went riding today after Uni, because Alex is finally back at the barn after breaking her leg due to being kicked by a horse. It was great to have her as my instructor again - and oh wow - I've completely forgotten how hard she works me, so it was so great to actually be working like mad hell until both me and Midnight were covered in sweat just from that one short riding session.
It was pitch-black and we rode in the arena with the floodlights on and it was my first time ever riding at night. I must say I enjoyed it, and jumping is so fun when you see your shadow stretching up far ahead of you even before Midnight has leapt off the ground. It was a great ride and I missed feeling like this, like I was actually connected, and that this was right.
Later, I was lucky enough to score a lift back to the train station thanks to Christine, otherwise I would be standing valiantly in the dark, desperately trying to flag down any passing bus.

Midnight is beautiful, and I'll say it again and again. It would be almost impossible to spot him in the dark - he is as black as midnight. If not for his rug, he was completely invisible to my naked eye when I turned him out after the ride. He melted into the night right before my very eyes. I love black horses.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007; 11:03 PM
who made you happy last night?
I felt bad because I used to let you have some water from the flask we usually put on the condiment stand, but my co-workers didn't like it and took that privilege away from you. Before I left last year, you told me I was the nicest person to have ever worked here, even if it was just because I let you have water.

They chased you away, and today you came back for the first time in a long time. They called security and a shouting fest ensued, ending tragically with you being escorted from the center by two burly security guards. I felt terrible, because I wasn't allowed to do anything, and even though you're notorious for being a shoplifter and posses psychological problems, I never really saw the harm in a little bit of water, and could never really comprehend why everyone else was so dead against you.

I don't like this job, but I always tell myself as I pour out my lattes with pride, that with every coffee I pour, I'm pouring a little bit of my heart in it, and maybe that might help a little, even if it brightens their day by just that little drop of heartfelt caffeine.


I went into Uni yesterday and I was horrendously early, so I went up to the labs to sit at the computers before class, and McCool was there, all by himself. I took a deep breath and said Hi, but my Hi was shaky and almost nonchalant in my desperate urge to look like I wasn't terrified by the fact that you were there, and you looked up and said Hey back, but it was your usual, cool, emotionless, smile-less McCool Hey, the Hey you used to give me back when you barely took any notice of me, even though you never even bothered to say Hey then.

It was a mere ten minutes I spent in that lab before I started to feel suffocated by your presence and I had to escape, because there's only so much of discreet fangirly staring I can do from behind my monitor as we sit at complete opposite ends of the room, in complete silence, running our fingers through our hair. If I had stayed any longer, there might have been serious consequences whereby you might catch me staring at you and then I would be in real trouble. Also, I think it's time I disconnect this ridiculous fangirliness over you, because even though you look like him, talk like him, act like him and even smell like him, you're not him and if I stick around any longer Guilt is going to become my middle name, and I love him, not you, and for his sake (anyway, I doubt any boy in his right mind would be very comfortable with his girlfriend fangirling over someone else, fictional or not) I think I should disconnect, right now, before fangirliness turns into something terrible, god forbid.
I've had my fun and he deserves better. No amount of prettiness can tear me away from him.

My mind was immediately distracted after by - who else? My friends - and we burst into shrieks of laughter over an inside joke in the lecture hall, causing all heads to turn and stare at us, including McCool - and I didn't care, and I didn't care that the lecturer looked like he was about to cook us for dinner, all I cared about was laughing with us until splinters ached in our sides. The moment we sobered slightly, my phone rang shrilly, loudly, interrupting the lecturer once again and this only made us burst into even more giggles and with much joy, I flipped open my phone and it was him, and it was the only person I'd love to be interrupted by in the middle of a lecture - yes - definitely moreso than McCool. Definitely. ♥

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Sunday, April 15, 2007; 1:32 PM
=/
Ugh, not in the mood. Not in the mood to blog, not in the mood for anything lately. It's not that I'm bored per se, and it's certainly not that there's nothing to do (oh, there's a lot to do, it's just a matter of actually doing) but everything just feels so blaargh lately.

.....I wonder what everyone else is doing now.

Oh, the barn offered me a permanent full/part time job to come in and be their main stable manager during weekdays, which means I will be finally able to quit Coffee Bean and do a job I love once and for all! Lovely prospect - unfortunately I have Uni most weekdays so I can't do it. D: I didn't think of it at first, until my other boss suddenly said she wasn't keen on the thought of me working so much for them because she'd really rather me have the time to pass my course well instead of working so much around the barn. And then I remembered my visa only allows me to work a maximum of 20 hours per week. Ugh.

Oh well, it still made me happy inwardly that they offered me the position in the first place - and that my boss cares more about me passing my Uni rather than helping them out. :) My barn's the greatest, y/y!

Agh, not in the mood not in the mood. *sigh* Maybe I'll go camp on YouTube for a bit. >_<

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Thursday, April 12, 2007; 1:20 PM
Hello Kitty Airline?!
I saw this bit of news and I just had to post. Seriously, WHUT?!?!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/11804597.html

AHAHAHAHA. Omg, awesome. Is it wrong that I actually want to ride that airplane so bad??? Quick, what country is it based in?!? I'm so there. I can't stand Hello Kitty, but HELLO KITTY BENTO as an inflight meal!!!?? They have Hello Kitty STAMPED SAUSAGES!!! YES PLZ. Though I would feel mortifyingly embarassed showing a Hello Kitty airplane ticket to a customs officer.

Oh my goodness, Hello Kitty is going to take over the world. I can't stop laughing. This is absurdly hilarious in all it's WTF glory.

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I corrupt all those around me
First it was Mighty Joe Young.



And then it was my boyfriend! My very own boyfriend!!



Oh dear, I'm going straight to Fangirl Hell.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007; 3:43 PM
I'LL GIVE ONE MILLION DOLLARS TO WHOEVER CAN SOLVE THIS AWFUL WEB 3D ASSIGNMENT FOR ME. T_______________________T

On my tombstone, it shall be written : 'She always said assignments would be the death of her. Who knew she was right?'

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007; 4:55 PM
Commence fangirling!!!!
:D

I have work at Coffee Bean today, expecting yet another long day of endless coffees and teas. It was a slow day, as it always is on Tuesdays. I like how the cafe is situated at the quietest part of the mall, the calm atmosphere has a very cafe-vibe, whatever that is. It was a good start to the day, with the very cute Cadbury Schweppes delivery man stopping by to let me fangirl over his clear, blue eyes.

Anyway, I was slicing the banana bread, humming along to the tune on the radio. I look up occasionally just in case there are customers that need serving, and all of a sudden I felt my Bishie Alert Meter™ fly sky-high, so I glanced up casually from my slicing to see --- *gasp*

McCool.

IN THE FLESH.

McCool visited me at work today, and it wasn't a glimpse from afar as per usual, he actually visited me at work today!! Oohhhhhhh. ♥ He poked his head round the cashier wall and grinned at me. At first I didn't realize it, then I saw him and - oh god - he was without his trademark beanie and had on a pair of Oakley sunglasses with his long hair pulled back into a low ponytail and oh god - if Cool was manifested into human form, it would be him. He was holding a grocery bag and I found it incredibly amusing to see McCool outside of Uni, doing his groceries, no less. How does anyone make grocery shopping look cool?! He does!

I stared at him for a few seconds, completely taken 101% by shock and surprise - and internally my brains were exploding into a loud scream of unintelligible syllables, mostly compromising of "OMFG.", "How does my hair look?!?!" "OMFG." "Do I smell?!?", "OMFG.", "There's sugar on my shirt!!!" "I MUST BE DREAMING!!!", "OMFG." You get the gist.

He stepped up, smiling and I giggled my way to the cashier, offering him a free coffee because I never take mine anyway. He refused, I insisted, then he insisted so I relented. He ordered a flat white and I almost died.

You remembered! You remembered I work here! NO WAIT. You actually know I work here?!

And he said, "I wondered if you'd be here! How often do you work??"

HE WONDERED IF I WOULD BE HERE. PLZ. MAKE YOUR OWN COFFEE, BECAUSE I NEED TO GO FAINT NOW.

We conversed as I made his coffee, although now I cannot remember a single word of that conversation, all I know is that I fell over my words like a fool, and as I made his coffee, I actually felt my face turning bright red, literally! I- felt- myself- turning -red, and I wanted to die and hide my face - and my hands were shaking so much I seriously worried I would spill the coffee. I wanted to make the Best Flat White in the World to impress him, but my hands were shaking so much I could barely hold the steamer in place! Oh GOD, I must've seemed like an absolute bumbling fool. OH GOD. OH GOD!!!

I handed him his cup, smiling like an IDIOT and he grinned and poured plenty of cinnamon into his coffee.
"Wow. That's really...um... cinnamon-ey."
I remarked, watching him stir it. (Cinnamon-ey?!?! *face-palms* Oh girl. How much lamer can you get?!)

"Yeah, I like it like that." He smiled at me and put the lid on his cup. We stood and stared at each other.

"Stop staring at me!" he laughed.
"Well, hurry up and take a sip!! Don't run away!! Tell me if my coffee sucks!! Oh wow, this is so weird. Ahahahaha!" (*face-palms* Stop the uneasy laughter! He'll think you're a freak! Oh wait, I think he already thinks you're a freak!)

So he took a sip. "Tastes like coffee!" he smiled from behind his flashy sunglasses and turned to leave. "I'll see you later." And sauntered off casually with his cool flick of his wrist and smirk and I turned to jelly and fell against the counter, watching him walk away and telling myself, "Breath, breath, breath. Oh god, breath."
Then I ran behind the store, cupped my hands over my ears and fangirl screamed so loud I think people would suspect a murder was being commited! xD

Eeeeeeeee!!!! AAAAAA!!!! DIE NOW PLZ DIE. DEAR GOD YOU TORTURE ME. My supervisor came in later and started telling me off for being so oblivious to the leaking coffee machine, but I just gazed blankly at her and smiled goofily, because my head was still letting off fireworks and confetti and sakura petals and Disney's Under The Sea tune was playing merrily in my mind on repeat.

Oh lordy, this level of fangirling should be banned. xD Nothing will come out of McCool, (if I'm not mistaken, he has a girlfriend and I am a loyal one-man lady) but he's just so pretty to look at!! No harm in fangirling, right? Yes, this is an excuse to make my conscience feel better. xD After all, it's a form of flattery, because he looks so similar to my boyfriend, right?? *valiant attempts to justify my fangirl eye*

Oh my goodness, how on earth am I going to speak to him when I see him in Uni without my face turning a brilliant shade of red?!?! God, why do you do this to me?!

OH I LOVE BEING YOUNG. ♥ ♥ ♥


*coffee not made by me

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Monday, April 9, 2007; 3:19 PM
calling all angels
I just decided that Emma de Caunes is probably one of the more beautiful celebrities ever, along with Hong Kong's Nadia Chan, Hollywood's Anne Hathaway and America's Next Top Model Cycle 7 runner up Kahlen Rondot. It must just be me, but I love girls who have that sweet, wholesome look about them. Not sickly-sweet to the point of irritating, but just nice.

Oh, I feel sick. It is almost quite certainly due to my Big Day/Night out yesterday, with Micheal and his girlfriend again. Apparently in Australia, Easter means everything is closed, including public toilets. Me and bro were quite taken aback at the sign "Closed For Easter" plastered across the locked doors of the public toilets at the train station. So we spent most of the day hanging out with Micheal's PS3 at his swanky apartment, then we watched Mr Bean's Holiday - which was really quite funny, albeit falling a bit short of its predecessor. Also, an outing with Micheal means food, because he is just one of those rich young lads that appreciates shopping, culinary delights and quality wine. For dinner he took us to a little restaurant that serves incredible Szechuan cuisine. We left the ordering up to him and every single dish that came out was Bright Red, most notable the fish which was literally swimming in a red sea of chilli and oil. By the time the meal was over, we all had watery eyes and flushed cheeks. Micheal pointed out that the flush on my face looked like I had just downed a whole bottle of vodka. Chilli-flavoured, extra-spicy, thanks.

Then we had bottles of cold soya bean and ended up settling down at Max Brenner's for a round of hot chocolate and waffles. I'm no nutritionist, but chilli, soya bean and hot chocolate does not a good mix make. So here I am today, with a splitting headache (is this what hangovers feel like?) and a constant feeling of nausea in my stomach. I wish I could throw up but it just doesn't happen.

To top it off, I have to finish up this brain-exploding Web3D assignment or I'm doomed. Oh, my brain. *cries*

Let's relax a little and watch the new episodes of Australia/America's Next Top Model on YouTube, bless - then go try on all my old jeans in front of the mirror and polish my boots to the tunes of Train.

I like Micheal's girlfriend, she's such a classy little thing. Apart from wishing I have her endless legs, she makes such a cute match to him. They'll grow up to be one of those power couples you see in magazines and on television, both smart, rich and beautiful - they already have all the makings of this potential relationship, with the way she sits and carefully applies her makeup whilst he lazes on the bed lamenting about how girls take so long to get ready, then hastily jumps up to help her scoop out a fallen eyelash from her cup of English Tea.

It's a known fact that I don't care much for makeup, but watching that adorably bizarre scene of him carefully fishing out her eyelash from her cup makes me wish I could put on some mascara just so someone would pick it out of my tea for me. :)

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Saturday, April 7, 2007; 10:29 PM
A RANT
Looks like emo-ness has bitten most of us lately, because this is going to be yet another rant on all your friends lists. >[

MY BROTHER. MY BROTHER. AJSHAJSHAJHS@#*@#(

Okay, sibling clashes are a fairly common occurence in every household, but my brother knows just how to push my buttons to the limit and I actually marvel at the fact that I haven't stuffed a shoe into his face yet, after 19 years of living together.

We're just on such completely different wavelenghts and QUIT TELLING ME TO GROW UP I think you're the one that needs to grow up a little, with your twisted logic and your view that everything is always ALWAYS my fault, oh, everything is ALWAYS wrong with me, and you're perfect and everyone else is perfect except me! If I don't click with your friends, OH IT MUST BE ME because I'm over-sensitive and prejudiced and narrow-minded, and despite me pointing out that in LIFE there is such thing as people who cannot get along, like how some horses can never get along with some riders, BUT NO IT MUST BE A PROBLEM WITH ME AS A PERSON BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT CRAPPY OF A PERSON RIGHT.

And if I feel uncomfortable about anything and I *GASP* actually talk to you about it, OH NO ITS ME BEING UNREASONABLE AND OMG I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AND OMG I ALWAYS FIND A PROBLEM WITH EVERYTHING OMG I AM SUCH A SPOILT, EMO LITTLE BITCH. Dear brother, will you realize that people have different ranges of emotions and sometimes you can't force things. Let's be geeks and use a FFVII reference. If I don't like Tifa as a character, I don't like her. If you don't like Aerith as a character, you don't like her. ITS NOT A PROBLEM WITH ME, ZOMG. IS IT MY FAULT THAT I CANNOT HELP DISLIKING TIFA*?? Even if it is, it's not like I can like someone just because you think I should, ZOMG. You get along with some people and I get along with some people but you can't expect me to be head-over-heels in love with the people you like, same like how I don't expect you to be all buddy-buddy with MJY or Sammy or even Midnight.

And I don't compare - I've never once said, "I wish you would come out just once to watch me ride instead of going all out of the way to carry shopping bags for your girl friends." or "Could you have dinner with me tonight instead of spending yet another night at your friend's place drinking her nice hot soup?" or "I don't see why you are so willing to go into the city with your friend because *gasp* god forbid, she'll be on the train alone - but you never once go into the city with me when I go alone on that train every single day, or at least even pick me up at the station at night instead of letting me walk all the way home alone in the dark?" because I'm not ridiculous enough to demand any sort of special attention from you - and I've grown used to doing things myself and coming home to an empty house anyway. SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I'M UNREASONABLE AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP THAT YOU CLAIM I AM.

Let's give you the benefit of the doubt. Let's say you're right. Let's say I am indeed the poor excuse for a immature human being that you say I am. No wait, I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT because GOD, GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE and realize that every individual is different and too bad, you should accept me for who I am and just because I don't think the same way as you do, or that I have different opinions than you - it doesn't mean that You > All and there is definitely something wrong with me, JUST GOD WHAT IS YOUR WAY OF THINKING.

Go, eat some ice-cream. I think it'd do you some good. Heck, I think it'd do me some good. >[

Anyways, went to the barn today for my first Intermediate lesson! It was a fantastic ride, Midnight was perfect as usual. We jumped really huge - oh god. Intermediate indeed! My instructor raised the jumps to one of the highest I've ever jumped and we did a full course. Midnight overjumped one particular huge vertical by god knows how much - a foot? And I was just completely taken by surprise with his massive leap, yelling "OMFG that was MASSSIVE!" as he landed and tossed his head madly and we just whirled off. Then towards the end of the lesson, Lori (my instructor) put up one exceptionally high jump and I looked at it and I thought, "Holy crap." and she was like, "Okay, who wants to give it a go? Yin!"
I was excited, because I love jumping and Midnight was full of Go today, so we cantered round and the first time I jumped it, good lord. So big. We jumped it a few times and I think I got left behind a few times (poor Midnight!) but it was so fun. The other girls rode pretty well too, so it was a really fun lesson. We didn't want it to end! ♥
Messed around the barn with Lisa the whole day, we gave Snoopy a bath and ended up having a waterfight, laughing our heads off and getting soaked in freezing cold water! I promised her I'd take photos of her riding, so I brought my camera in and DID MY BEST but omg I could not seem to get the shot I wanted! D: But some were okay, so I guess it's something. A girl I rode with today told me I look good on Midnight, and I was so pleased. I wish someone would take photos of me riding Midnight, but god forbid, nothing on earth would possibly convince Bro to come out to the barn, not even if I fell off and broke me neck. >[
All bitterness aside, a great day, all in all. I love working with Lisa. And I love my barn, it's such a wonderful place! ♥

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Friday, April 6, 2007; 7:09 PM
Videoblog
This is possibly the sole reason why I really really really need to watch 300.



Oh yes please.

And here is an extremely random footage of some Korean dude dancing like Hyori Lee. Just... just... oh god. I think I died of an inexplicably disturbing emotion when he started air-humping. I stared at his ass in mesmerization throughout the whole clip wondering, "Does that really belong to him?!"
AM I SCARRED FOR LIFE?? AM I?? (And yes, girls, he has a nice ass - waitbutnotinthatwaycomeback!)


RUN PEOPLE WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

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I gave what I gave
So we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles today, and I have to admit, I was rather dissapointed. Maybe because I can't remember too much of it from my childhood - I couldn't even remember who Casey was, and surely April didn't look so...modern?

But Leonardo was Love, so that was good. =) My heart broke when Rafaello defeated him, oh! Me and Sammy then proceeded to rant in a fangirl tirade of Ralf's obnoxious, bratty behaviour, whilst MJY valiantly tried to defend his favourite turtle in the face of two raving fangirls.

I received a phone call from the Equestrian Center, telling me that I've been moved up a level - to the Intermediate group. I was so ecstatic I could hardly believe my ears and I asked Christine over and over again on the phone, "Are you serious? Are you sure? Am I good enough? I'm really worried that everyone will be such awesome riders and I'll be left out. Are you sure?" She had to tell me about ten times that, Yes, she thinks I'm good enough to move up now and No, you are not dreaming. I almost somersaulted my way to tell Sammy and MJY, so delighted!! Share my happiness, quick! The first thing I wanted to do was share this happy news with people who care, and it's lovely when the look on their faces as they congratulated me was almost as if they were the ones who had been moved up a level. :) It makes me appreciate them so much more.

Then we clinked our glasses in a toast to our friendship over steaming bowls of japanese ramen. I got drunk on (non-alchoholic) Ramune and started ranting about boys and the unnecesary troubles they bring, and they got drunk on apple juice and started ranting about how nobody would ever truly try to understand us, and then we started admiring the pretty waitresses and drunkenly declared that we should never waste time on unhappiness. Sammy assured me that someday I will be loved, and I assured MJY that someday he will break away from here and become famous, and MJY assured Sammy that someday she will get a fantastic job plus that jacket she always wanted. I was grateful that my ramen was spicy enough to make my eyes water, because I have been looking for an excuse to cry for a long time. We stared at each other in a comfortable stupor, comforted and grateful for each other's presence, and noone said a word about the silent sorrow. Then started laughing our guts out over silly toilet jokes and slowly we went home our seperate ways in the crisp night air, earphones plugged firmly into our ears, hearts aching but souls laughing. I take comfort in their company; when it's always something else, being with them makes me feel like it doesn't really matter when it really does.

It's always something else - it's always something else but us, it's always something else but me.

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Wednesday, April 4, 2007; 11:15 PM
I heeessss at thee
So my brother plans on this supposedly awesome outing on Sunday with Micheal, we're going to the movies and maybe do some shopping. Now, it would be fairly awesome - that is, until bro suddenly mentioned, "Oh by the way I invited Miss M* as well."

*fictional name

I don't usually dislike people - I don't think I've actually really hated anyone in my entire life. Miss M, however, just happens to be one of those extremely rare few that I do hold a strong feeling of dislike for. Not hate, mind you. Not hate. Just an extreme dislike.
She was my junior back in Junior High, and her cousin was my classmate. Her cousin I have no problem with, in fact we were pretty good friends until he transferred schools. Miss M, on the other hand, was one of those b*tches (please excuse the language) who walked around as if she owned the place and took pleasure out of picking on people she deemed less awesome than herself, or people whom she knew wouldn't have the guts to chew her out on it. Oh, how I disliked her. Her holier-than-thou attitude really grated on my nerves, I shudder when I think about it now. I dearly longed to squash her into her place many a time, but I was much too polite to place my foot up her butt when she started twanging my nerves. I did politely tell her to shut up and get the hell out of my face a couple of times however, and eventually she ceased attempting to step on me and moved on to some other poorly victim(s) instead.

Junior High was so so so so long ago, but she's just one of those people that I'd really rather not see again for the rest of my life. Oh, I know, it was so long ago, perhaps she's changed for the better now, but I ran into her at the end of last year, and with the very first eye-contact, I knew immediately she was just the same b*tch she ever was, only perhaps snarkier and more cunning with age. We smiled and exchanged polite How-Are-Yous, as all girls do - but the uncomfortable tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I also noticed her ability to irk me greatly with her subtle snarky remarks has only increased with the years.

Why are girls so catty? You don't see boys having this problem with each other. My brother seems completely oblivious to my lack of enthusiasm regarding Miss M, and I wonder if it's just a girl thing or if boys are just completely dense towards closet girly catfights. In fact, he chided me for not being thrilled at the prospect of a bitch-reunion, much to my indignance. Geez, boys!

*sigh* I wish I could squeeze out of having to spend an entire day with her this weekend. Maybe I could just say I have to work and run off to spend the day at Sammy or MJY's place instead, but then I'd feel so bad about lying. Oh dear. Suck it up, Yin. Just one day. Looks likely to be the longest day of my life, however. D:

Enough whining now! In other news, we ended up standing in the middle of the street today, talking for an entire hour with MJY, McGeek and McCutie. The conversation ranged from FF12 --> Digimon --> Sports --> Dodgeball --> Games in high school --> Mushrooms --> Food --> Iron Chef. It was awesome. xD

And then MJY took me aside and in true honour to our recent Walking With Dinosaurs experience + upcoming easter, gave me an Easter surprise!!





Omg, chocolate overload complete with giant golden egg and choco-rocks!! You're killing me!! xD And that dinosaur = cutest thing ever, y/y?
Thank you MJY~!!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

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Tuesday, April 3, 2007; 7:18 PM
her hair is always a mess; she's beautiful
It's becoming a bit of a regular thing for me to show up at Uni dressed in my work clothes, and the boys always find some reason to giggle at the huge 'Coffee Bean : Established 1963' logo emblazoned on my shirt, not to mention milk stains from multiple milk explosions and probably a few splotches of mocha and vanilla powder here and there. Because I'm a klutz and always succeed at spilling something on myself every single day.

Yesterday we were hanging around outside the lecture theater with the boys and the McDudes during the break, me and Sammy both fatigued from work : she having just come in from working at her family restaurant, and me from a 6am start at Coffee Bean making endless lattes for grumpy businessmen. And then I made a silly joke and McCool laughed, it was the first time he's ever laughed at anything I said and I didn't even know he was listening in the first place. It was a spontaneous laugh which was both surprising and flattering at the same time. Then the boys started talking about masturbation and McCutie turned bright red from the arkwardness of it all, as he was standing right in front of me and Sammy.
Sammy and I decided we had heard enough and headed back into the lecture theater, where despite our tiredness, we clutched each other and laughed until the tears streamed down our cheeks. It was tragic, but it was great, and I always like to think that if I reflect on yesterday, I'd like to remember myself laughing my heart out with someone, which might just be the nicest reflection of all. If there was one thing I'd like to have done the most in my life, it's laughing and riding horses. Oh wait, that's two things. well, I didn't fail math for nothing.

I had a horribly unflattering hairdo, and Sammy's eyes were as puffy as teabags, but I gave a happy couple a free latte today and maybe tomorrow I might just lose five pounds.

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