Wednesday, June 27, 2007; 1:44 PM
Bad weather, bad riding
HAHAHAHAHA my brother just walked in on me changing with my top off, and then my horse place called and cancelled my horse riding lesson due to bad weather. Strong winds, harsh rain - I wouldn't want to ride in this weather either. Not quite sure how I feel about the brother thing, because I completely cracked up at his face and it was all for nothing too! Oh dear, oh dear. And then you wasted a couple of dollars on me texting me and telling me to be extra careful riding in this weather, and I'm all "D: But I'm not riding! :D?"
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

And my boss didn't say anything about me doing any extra shifts on Saturday too, so I'm going out on Saturday!! Goddammit I'm going to the park to watch the ducks and nothing is going to stop me. Tomorrow Pixar will be at ACMI in Federation Square, so a bunch of us from Uni are going to the talks and showcases, and I'm broke, so I don't know how I'm going to go, but I'm going to go anyway - because last night I dreamt of my high school reunion and I realized how much we all changed, and how much I love my Uni friends now, so I'm going to see them tomorrow dammit, and nothing is going to stop me, not even my weeping wallet. Who knows, Pixar might hire me, wishful thinking on my part, HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh well, looks like I'll have an extremely rare day off to just laze around home and do nothing! Maybe clean a little, and this weather is perfect for baking cookies, so that's just what I'll do! =)

And tomorrow, I'm going to bake chocolate chip muffins.
First it was my spending spree, now it's a baking spree. What's next? I didn't cry over you, but I'm crazily spending and baking and cleaning and doing everything I normally wouldn't do. I feel like Izzy in Grey's Anatomy when Denny left her, only difference is you didn't leave me with an 8 million dollar cheque when we said Goodbye.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007; 1:50 AM
we smell like sandalwood
I showed up on your doorstep unnanounced, because it was on a complete spur of the moment, and I ran to catch the bus on a whim, so I've been running and I'm out of breath and I need some water, please just give me some water. You stare speechlessly at me as you open your front door in surprise, the only light coming from the stars above, then you tell me that you love me, and I started crying. All I want is some water. Give me some water.

We ended up talking for a few hours before you walked me back to the bus stop, and then we both regretted drinking so much water, because now we're crying again.

I'm sorry this had to happen, but people are sorry for a lot of things.

Sunday, June 24, 2007; 5:46 PM
not really a haiku
I seriously thought I would marry him someday
and we would live happily ever after
Today I woke up, sat up, looked out the window
went out shopping by myself
I splashed over $200 hard-earned dollars
on clothes I don't even need
I always thought, someday that boy will leave me
well, he's already left
But I'll be okay
because I spent $200 dollars
on clothes I don't even need
Wtf.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007; 4:46 PM
Radios in heaven
There was a shooting rampage in Melbourne city yesterday morning, two people died and numerous more injured. Thankfully I wasn't in the city, I was instead busy making coffee all the way in the outer eastern suburbs, listening intently to the half-hourly breaking news updates on the radio at work. For one short second my heart stopped as my brain frantically tried to think if any of my friends were in the city that morning - and then my cellphone beeped.

I stared at my beeping cellphone in a silent stupor as I frothed my milk, the newscaster announcing on the radio that Melbourne city was now currently in lockdown, with nobody permitted to enter or leave the city as police go on a wild hunt for the gunsman on the loose. I felt a little shudder run down my spine, not wanting to pick up my phone and seeing anything telling me to rush to the hospital. The text message was from my friends, telling me of the news and anxiously telling me not to go into the city. It made me smile, how people immediately think of each other when they're worried and how it is expressed. How I was just thinking of my friends when they texted me and then McCool came running to my workplace to make sure I was there and not anywhere out of sight. And then I was relieved - the worst thing ever in the world is to have to pick up a phone and hear that something bad has happened to someone dear.

Melbourne though, of all places. Melbourne. I know we were the target of terrorists attacks back in the Commonwealth Games days, but I'd never thought there'd be a shooting rampage in Melbourne, of all places. This isn't USA. People don't carry guns around. How could anyone just walk around the city randomly shooting at people? It just doesn't happen.

Anyways, my mum has flown up to Queensland to finish up her final year of Uni, and all I can think about is my dog - who is going to give him his bath and trim his fur? I know my mum wants to spread her wings and she's still so young, and she wants to see what's out there - but I can't help but wonder how anyone could just drop all their responsibilities at the drop of a hat - leaving behind my old grandparents who need constant care, my father, my family, my dog, everything. I wouldn't be able to do it with a clear conscience, not at least without a lot of prior notice instead of leaving it to the last minute like she did. I know my mum dislikes being confined within the boundaries of our family, but -- it's something you chose to do. You married into this family, it's what you chose to undertake, right?

And then there are times when it's just the two of us at the train station, eating a rushed breakfast with tousled hair and sleepy eyes, then we look at each other and agree whole-heartedly that it would be nice to run away, right now - just leave on the train to somewhere far away and leave, drop everything just like that, without a word. I laugh and say we're like a young, irrational, runaway couple; you say I'm crazy beautiful, and it makes you do crazy things, like running away on a train with me. People run away a lot, and I kind of understand why mum wants to run away too.

Just don't run too far, don't run too far or we'll never find our way back when it matters the most.

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Thursday, June 14, 2007; 1:28 AM
We're just like ships
Independence is a strange kind of freedom. It's the freedom to ride your horse at any given time you like, the freedom to hop on that bus to any unknown destination, the freedom to take your driving test and hope you don't fail, the freedom to earn your own money - it's the feeling of being to do just what you want, whenever you want, however you want.

I can't tell if it's a blessing or a curse, to be free to wander down that path on your own as you like, without having to worry if anyone beside you wants to wander down a different path. On one hand it's lovely to feel that feeling of empowerment - that you don't need anybody, and you can rely on yourself and guide yourself and make it through - on the other hand you always wonder just how it would be like to bicker a little with somebody over which path to take, to point out puddles and share sandwiches with.

Co-dependence and independence aren't intertwined at all, if you think about it closely from a different perspective. It's either one or the other, and something always goes a little wrong somewhere, because the grass is always, always greener on the other side, even if it looks brown and parched and in much desperate need of an automatic sprinkler.

Girls never really say what they mean, and when I said "No", I really meant, "Yes you stupid ignorant fool, get on that stupid bus, I don't care if you have to wake a few hours early, get your arse there or never speak to me again."

People can't really ever get by on their own - for me, I can't get by without my crazy friends; MJY and Sammy - and I feel breathlessly relieved that I can at least see MJY tomorrow, and yet a little part of me doesn't really want to, doesn't really want to.

Everyone should hop on a tram and travel aimlessly in circles round and round the city, because in winter the wind is biting cold and even the flies go into hiding, escaping the tingling chill which makes the soul silent and the heart ache just a little bit, just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

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Saturday, June 9, 2007; 3:13 AM
men are from mars, women from venus
I can't stand the way you can be so completely nonchalant about seemingly important things, and how you just don't care about anything other than yourself - and then you turn around and ask me if I'm okay - and I hate the look on your face and I tell you that you drive me crazy, and we drift away.

Ugh, I can't stand you, I can't stand you, and yet I'm dreading the weekend because I won't be seeing you.

Exams are finally over, but I'm working all weekend and Monday as well, and I'm not feeling relieved or destressed or intoxicated, because all I want to do now is sleep sleep sleep, but I can't because I have to be up at the crack of dawn again to go to work.

Holidays? What's that? Some kind of food?

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Thursday, June 7, 2007; 4:37 PM
This is an Emergency!!!
I am out of chocolate.

I am out of chocolate!!

Did you hear me?? My chocolate supply in my fridge has run out, meaning I will be chocolate-less for the next crazy 26 hours of last-minute cramming and study sessions!

How will I survive!?!? How could I possibly survive without the sweet company of chocolate tantalising me to stay awake and focus on countless essays dictating the advantages of Elevation Grids over Indexed Face Sets!?!?! This is a National Emergency, quick, call the ambulance!!

See that? That floating white thing right there? It's my soul, making its way out of my mouth.

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Wednesday, June 6, 2007; 6:14 PM
Falling in
Just a short update. =)

I'm not riding Midnight anymore! They've moved me up to Shrimpy, that arse of a horse that I shudder at the thought of riding, just because he's a real challenge and so hard to ride. We started out like crap, but I'll be damned if I let Shrimpy get the better of me, and I like to believe that I've improved with all the work Midnight did with me, so I worked like I've never worked before and I got Shrimpy!!

He was great once I got him into the mindset, and once or twice we had a couple of setbacks, but overall it was great! We didn't jump too high, but we did jump some and it was awesome. Lori rode in the lesson with us, and I felt really grand to be able to ride with Lori. Shrimpy tends to fall in a lot, so that really pushed me, but I hope I'll be able to ride them out better with time.

Yes, just happy that I managed to ride Shrimpy! Shrimpy! One of the harder horses to ride at the center! Yay for progress! =)

Major exam this Friday, I'm sick and I'm hanging in there. Wish me luck! ♥

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Sunday, June 3, 2007; 3:11 AM
Another all-nighter
It's quite amazing how I manage to pull off so many all-nighters without coffee, alchohol or any stimulating drink. Last night I finally managed to SLEEP.... sleep as in sleep, in all sense of the word. SLEEP. Actually close my eyes and sleep.

And then I dreamt that I was arguing with Big M and I slapped him, LOL. So not a very pleasant dream, even with the much needed sleep.

I miss hanging out with my friends. I feel like I haven't seen MJY or Sammy in ages. I spoke to MJY online just now, and said we should go watch Shrek 3 after the exams, and he said we shouldn't start planning just yet. D: I miss my friends! I feel like I haven't laughed in ages. Sammy's been distant and quiet, MJY has been staying away, and I know it's just because we've all been so incredibly busy these days - third year Uni is definitely not a walk in the park - but I miss them. MJY says he misses being with me too, but everyone's just so busy. Too busy! Poor Corinne has such dark rings underneath her eyes, you'd think she's a panda from afar! Well, my skin and hair and nails are suffering considerably from my lack of sleep, but I think my mental health is suffering the most, hahaha. I'm going a little crazy.

McCool dragged me to Southbank tonight to destress, apparently he says my eyes are insanely bloodshot red and I need to get away from work and the computer screen before I break down and KO, so we hung around to watch the flames at Crown and he bought me some of my favourite Famous Amos cookies - Chocolate & Macadamia, yum!! I have a sore throat, a cold and a cramped leg so I haven't been feeling magnificent, but cookies always does the trick. =)

I miss my boyfriend too, I rang him up the other day, but unfortunately the phone lines weren't great and I called at a bad time for him, lol. It feels like we haven't spoken in ages, but I don't suppose there's that much to speak about either. *sigh* We're both just way too busy, I guess.

Wonder how my dog is doing. Wow, now I'm hungry. What's the time? Half past two in the morning, hmm. Should it be another all-nighter...?

Nah, Sunday tomorrow. I'm determined to sleep tonight, even if just for a short while.

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Friday, June 1, 2007; 11:54 PM
Sew-on patches
Sorry for the recent locked access, I was trying to get away from buggy spamware! Fortunately I was way too lazy to update or even to unlock it - hahahahaha - so I've just left this blog like that for a bit whilst I slaved away on assignments and work and exam preparations and horses and everything else!

Anyways, SUBMITTED ASSIGNMENTS IT'S SUBMITTED IT'S SUBMITTED. I could cry, I'm so relieved! Now only one more major assignment and the major exam next week, and it's HOLIDAAAYS!!!

Plus, Coffee Bean is getting renovated, which means soon I'll get a wonderful two week break off from work! I can't wait! Omg! *hyperventilates* And I have this weekend off work!!! Aaahh heaven. I can't wait for holidays, gonna go to the zoo, to Horseland, to the movies....

And I look in my wardrobe and realize I desperately need some new clothes, especially some warm jumpers. T_T

HAHAHA, LiveJournal completely spoiled PoTC3 for me! The idiot who posted the spoilers in large, bold fonts without using a LJ cut...I would very much like to throw a brick at you. Fortunately I don't care that much for PoTC, otherwise I'd be seriously pissed. If it was Harry Potter on the other hand...

Well I need to get back into the blogging gist of things, so this is a casual entry for now. Actually, I quite liked having a locked, private journal, hmm..... but oh well! We shall see!

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