Monday, August 27, 2007; 2:53 AM
ima nanji desuka?
We've just spent about 51 hours together straight, and I am still not sick of you, and I still want to be near you, like 51 hours could never be enough. It has only been a while but already I am missing cuddling while watching random YouTube videos and lying on your bed making up random japanese phrases and laughing till our guts hurt and demanding! attention! and being carried to the kitchen and mini-pillow-fights and oh just everything about you that is a million and one little things that could never be listed.

Another 12 hours till I next see you again and spend another 30 hours or so with you.

Already I'm counting down the hours till then. ♥

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007; 11:41 PM
Just happiness
Sometimes I'm not so sure anymore....

I'm just so grateful for Midnight, who puts everything into perspective when I'm feeling any kind of doubt or insecurity. Sometimes all it really does to achieve happiness is something as simple as sharing a carrot.

I've been dealt my cards a million and one times and I've played a million and one games; now all I want is just for someone to stick it out with me till the end. Nobody ever seems to give a damn though. I'm so used to it, I just feign ignorance now.
I guess I've just seen this scene too many times before, I already know what's coming. Every time I tell myself I won't be in this situation again, but I always end up here. Maybe I'm jinxed. Sometimes it's different, sometimes it differs, sometimes it takes longer, but I've seen so many variations of this scene and is it sad that it no longer comes to me as a huge surprise?

The question on Postsecret for today was what you would wish for if you had one wish? Almost everyone replied "Love" or "Happiness". I guess human needs are really that simple, everyone just wants to be happy. Happiness is different for everyone, it could be a loving family, a boyfriend/girlfriend to fall asleep with, a good canter, or even something as simple as a roof over our heads.

I'm no different. I just want to be happy. And I am happy. At least, I try to be. It's not easy sometimes. But I do try. That's gotta be worth something, right?

So why do I keep seeing this scene again and again? Won't someone just stick with me till the end?

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007; 12:30 AM
late night eggs
You know you've bagged yourself a keeper when a group of idiotic teenagers egg you on the way home and your boy (who hasn't slept all night btw) insists you shower and rest while he spends all night cleaning up your eggy jacket and bag for you - despite being sick and dead tired himself, and even when you threw a hissy fit at him earlier on for no particular reason whatsoever.

I feel guilty, and blessed, and all emotions jumbled up into one as I stand there shivering in his oversized jumper whilst watching him carefully scrub the icky egg shells out of my favourite jacket. He's something special, for how many other guys would even dream of cleaning egg off a girl's jacket for her?

Thank you, and I'm sorry for being such a bad girlfriend. Please don't ever get fed-up of me.

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Friday, August 17, 2007; 3:21 AM
all crack comes from me and MJY

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fragility is a form of art
My heart stopped for a short, broken moment last night, when I sat in your bed and stifled a sob. I would've pushed you away, but you were too strong. Too strong! Too strong, or maybe I just didn't want to. Your words broke me, but your arms held me, but I loved and you let me love.

We gazed at clouds, and if yesterday I felt distant, today I felt closer and things couldn't be more perfect, even in the dark as we cried and hugged each other for want of the hurt caused by unintentional words. Oh words, just words, but what power do they carry? Words could have made me stay, words could have made you go. All I know is that the saltiness of your tears on my lips are more proof than any words could ever show.

You strum the rhythm of my heart like a fragile guitar, when thoughts pour out of my head like a messed up scramble of drizzling ink, filling up the corners and seeping its way through the crevices and crannies of my head; paranoia - but you still stay and your rough fingers hold me like I am a fragile piece of glass, tender. Encouraging the expression of those thoughts, greedily grabbing at them like a fisherman tending to his catch, something I would never thought possible. For who should care about such silly thoughts? Nothing tangible, nothing wholesome - just a whole bunch of faded flowers. I cry a lot more than I really should, a jigsaw puzzle of emotions that you could never piece together, but you try anyway and for that I try my best too, and that is what people refer to as compatibility.

Some call it poetry, some call it free-flowing, all these thoughts ebbing in and out of shore; a vast lake of poetry and words - words which hold such magnificent power.

You and me crying in the dark, hugging - it is a thing of beauty.

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007; 3:37 AM
another turning point
We were all in love and we all got hurt
And it's all too sweet to last
I feel so far from where I've been
But I'll never be back here again


Sunday, August 12, 2007; 1:08 AM
Monday Quatro Inc.
So by one way or another (like it always does) our conversation twisted its way to our future living situation, if we ever did end up living together - hey, young couples can dream, right?



Which led me to doodling on MSN a very imaginative view of how this bizarre setup would look like, with the huge personality contrasts shown in our choice of stores. He likes cutting meat (don't ask.) and I like making coffee. Such a typical male interest in steak and knives and such a typical female interest in flowers and horses and coffee. The only thing we have in common is the love of art. Throw in a horse or two and it's chaos!

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transatlanticism
"Ugh Yin, I want to die right now."

"But if you die, you won't be able to see me anymore. Are you okay with that?"

"I'll see you in heaven."

"It's gonna take a while."

"That's okay, I'll wait. Yeah, you'll probably end up with some other guy, but I'll wait for you up there anyway."

"It could take a long time. 10 years. 50 years? Maybe 100 years? Would you still be waiting?"

"Yeah, I'll wait in heaven till I can be with you again."

"What if I don't go to heaven? What if I go to hell?"

"Then I'll just kill someone in heaven so I can go down to hell to be with you there."


Wednesday, August 8, 2007; 1:56 AM
My life, give it back!
This gives me an excuse to pick at my nails without anyone stopping me, because it's time to ramp it up and today I said a very hasty farewell to McCool just before he goes into full lock-down mode to work on assignments, leaving me fidgety, pacing around my apartment and eating cookies on impulse as I probably won't be seeing him for the next, oh - I don't know, week or so? Then again, a week is nothing compared to eight years, and I guess I'm accustomed to not seeing a significant other for an extended period of time, but oh, it's so annoying how a few days feels like eight years. How DID I manage before??

Though I really should be in lock-down mode, working on my assignments as well. That, my dears, is another matter entirely, one that I shall choose not to discuss.

Anyhow, the reason there was no whiny, sappy pre-lockdown scene with sweeping ocean waves and dramatic music playing in the background (I said "Goodbye", he said "Take care.") was because EADWINE* IS IN TOWN!!!! Yuss, my secret lover from the world of the Netz has flown all the way from the land of windmills and tulips and pointy wooden shoes (I'm talking about Holland) and I met her today!! God, it is weird to see someone you normally talk to on webcam suddenly materialize in real-life, and oh, she is as cute and as sweet as she is online and she has the most adorable Dutch accent I have ever heard! Not that I've heard any, but even if I had, I'm sure hers is the most adorable anyway!

Her parents were equally adorable and we quickly discovered our shared passion for ice-cream and lemon lime bitters. It was only a few hours, but it was so surreal. =)

And on Saturday night it was Ly's 21st birthday bash, so we all turned up and had a blast despite the rain and train delays and my hands smelling like horse feed.


































Monday night has become a sort of ritual for MJY, the McDudes and me to go out for dinner after class. It's something to look forward to after a long, hard week of work, and I was tired, but I thought it was cute how you were snapping away photos of me.

















Oh, and now I miss you quite terribly.

PS : My friends totally made me join Facebook. LOL, as if Friendster isn't hectic enough. Anyways, add me on there if any of you are Facebookers! =)

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Wednesday, August 1, 2007; 10:49 PM
he cooks with one hand
So I finally got my way and had the boy cook a home-cooked meal for me. Granted, he's no Jamie Oliver so I wasn't expecting no three-course candlelit dinner with epicure fit for a king, maybe some caviar along with kilpatrick oysters or anything like that, but he did promise a comforting meal of Spaghetti Bolognaise, which, in my opinion, is much better than any fine delicatessen.

Given that he is such a typical male who probably doesn't know the difference between butter and margarine, I wondered if the spaghetti bolognaise that would spin out of his hands would give me an excuse to sit in the toilet for the next few days, but I was pleasantly surprised at the results of his labour. Hearty and surprisingly flavourful, it was a big bowl of love, with a bit of cheese mixed in.

He tottered around the kitchen in his dodgy home clothes (yes, I did try to talk him out of wearing bright blue with red and yellow stripes - what are you, a flag? - alas, to no avail), fetching spices from shelves much too high for me to reach as I giggled and snapped away with my pretty pink camera phone, and being the typical McCool that he is, he cooks with one hand, the other casually slung in his pocket.

He can be so cold, and so silent, and so distant - and so overly arsehole-ish, but I'd eat his Spaghetti Bolognaise every day for the rest of my life if I could.

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