Friday, November 23, 2007; 8:27 PM
Happy Thanksgiving
Here is how I'm spending my Thanksgiving tonight.

At home alone, with a bowl of instant pasta and overleft nuggets, nothing on TV, nobody online and a silent room. Brother is out with friends, friends are home with families, boyf is busy with video games.

It's not that bad, really. It's not like Thanksgiving is that big of a deal. Just feels kinda weird saying out loud to myself as I hold my soggy pasta that I Give Thanks to...

Okay, enough whining before the Whaaaambulance gets here. Maybe I'll make myself feel better by putting up the Christmas lights.....alone.


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Wednesday, November 21, 2007; 11:50 PM
My life is like a shoujo manga

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Monday, November 19, 2007; 12:33 AM
Aaahhh I don't want to go back to work
I just had what was perhaps one of the best weekends of my life. (what?! I finally have a weekend?!)

Cuddling in bed, lazy lunches at cozy cafes, late night supermarket trips - what's not to love?

And then there was Joe's Very Happy 21st Birthday Buffet where I ate Too Much Dessert I think I my risk of diabetes just went up by 67%.

Tocks up! Here's to lying on the bench while cloud gazing with a significant other playing with your hair. =)

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Monday, November 12, 2007; 12:45 AM
I mean
I love it, I love it, I love it.

I love flicking my eyes open every two seconds with one arm draped lazily over your knee and your toes nuzzling my elbow to watch you lip-sync to me like a goof. I love resting my head on your tummy and sharing your lap with the furry little dog. I love watching you blush in nervousness as I push you onto the bed with a flurry of giggles, I love how we swing hands and randomly burst into dance on the streets, I love how you cheerfully reply "Sure!" whenever I suggest we should get married and live happily ever after, I love how we whisper until we fall asleep, not even awake to hear who gets the last whisper in. I love standing at the bottom step of the stairs and having you lift me down so I don't feel the cold floor, I love laughing at silly things at the supermarket with you, I love it when you kiss my hand like a princess. A million and one more little things that I just could not list them all and despite our shortcomings I love it I love it I love it.

We were sitting at the coffee shop having a drink and I was looking at you as you talked and a huge wave of sheer happiness suddenly took me by storm, overwhelmingly, and I burst into laughter, even moreso at the confused look upon your face at my laughter - and I am happy, so very very happy that I could not help but laugh.

I'm glad it's worked out, I was so scared this morning that it would be the last time I would ever see your eyes again - but I'm glad it's worked out and we're both still here, tired, but refreshed and still crazy over each other.

Yesterday I rode the tiniest little pony at the barn who was a complete prat in the arena but jumped like a Grand Champion out in the showjumping field and I felt funny riding something so small when I'm used to my 15, 16 hand horses. But it was fun, and I think we made a pretty cute sight together. Redonkulously cute! =]

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Saturday, November 10, 2007; 12:06 AM
"Trust me, you two are together because you two found that space within each other."

Cheezy as that sounds, especially coming from a friend, I guess that makes sense. I guess one of the reasons why I enjoy McCool's silent company so much is because when I'm with him I feel completely comfortable and complete, even without words. It's like horses, only it's a human.

And that's a wonderful thing.

Don't give it up, no no honey, don't give it up.
Sunday, November 4, 2007; 11:15 PM
I thought after this was all over, it would be better - it would get better. That's what I kept telling myself, that's what everyone kept telling me. It was just stress, once it's over, things will look up again.

It'll get better and it'll be just as it was before.

The thing's not.

All humans really want is to be happy, really.
Speechless - my words could not melt
Well it feels like Ive just woke up
In a world where down is up and up is a long way from here

The sun rises every morning, the same confetti of light exploding its way across the earth, from dawn to dusk, from dusk till dawn. The moon sets every night, slowly crawling it's way through the masses of crystal stars, till it's final breath with the last sweet warble of the nightingale.

Time moves, sometimes slow, sometimes fast - but always constant. People wake up, brush their teeth, go to bed. Friends meet, lovers fight, dogs bark - things are constantly changing. Things change. People change. Even I've changed, I'm sure. It can be quite slow, or it can be quite extreme. Sometimes you only see the changes after the sun has run it's course a fair few number of times, but then it's too late to wonder and ponder about everything that has passed - the moon is hassling you to get a move on with it, or he'll be late for his nightwatch.

And the big wheels well they keep on turning
They dont slow down you just keep on learning

Lately I feel like he's a completely different person to the man I first shared tears with many moons ago. It's kinda sad sometimes, but hey, the clouds change shape constantly and it doesn't mean I love the clouds any less.
I feel like a completely different person myself sometimes, when I stand and stare at my reflection in the mirror - I barely recognize myself.
Sometimes it doesn't feel any less lonely than before.

Like a savage glow
When you turned and said hello
I was just about to go
There were flowers on the ceiling
The stars looked like burning sparks
The lights were warm but chilling
Whisper - I wanted to shout
When you stopped and held me close
Inside I nearly froze
Your touch is almost healing
Like a setting sun
Like a last goodbye
Like an incomplete lullaby

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Thursday, November 1, 2007; 8:00 PM
roll into a ball!
I'm not sure it's such a good thing that when I see a poor dead animal lying mangled by the side of the road, the first thing that comes into mind is that McCool would love to see it.

Went riding today and ugh ugh ugh fell off again and hurt my back again. Tina the nutter spooked at a piece of plastic tarp covering the hay bales and I was thrown off. There's something about the laws of physics that enables me to defy gravity by using the velocity of the air to push myself as far away from her prancing hooves as far as possible when I fall. How it is possible? Perhaps I farted when I fell and the air released from my rear managed to propell me a good couple of feet away from being trampled to death.

Or maybe not. (I didn't fart!!!)

I'm just glad because riding with Linda, my new instructor is so much more rewarding. She's managed to fix problems which I've been working on for months, in a matter of weeks. Bravo! The only drawback is crossing the freeway to catch the bus back after my lesson - today it took me half-an-hour just to cross one half of the freeway. >[ Honestly, is it so hard for zooming cars to slow down for just three seconds to let a girl dash across the road?

I cooked dinner for McCool last night, for the first time ever. The reason it took more than five months to cook him a simple meal was because I thought prolonging his death from food poisoning would be a good idea. The later the better!
He didn't get food poisoning, for your information.
I made beef stew, which after my last feeble attempt, turned out pretty darn good and beef bulgogi on spaghetti (because I do not have rice, don't ask) and american strawberry parfait. Yumm! I feel so accomplished. I would've taken photos if only I'd known my cooking wouldn't result in any painful, sudden deaths.

It was Halloween, by the way, so we snuggled and watched scary movies all night long - and I don't care what anyone says, Pan's Labyrinth is both scary and gruesome and I never want to watch it ever again for the rest of my life. Same goes for Silent Hill. Tonight I'm going to be paranoid that when I take my shower the bathroom will start melting around me from the Darkness. Or something.

Dang nabbit, when I get out of bed tomorrow morning, my back is going to hurt like a...female dog. Oh Tina you nutter.

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