Monday, January 14, 2008; 9:17 PM
Today a fire twirler changed my life
I think I grew just a little bit stronger today.

People have an innate effect on other people without even realizing it. We had a new worker come in to the Bean today, he is a juggler and fire twirler (I know rite!) and he wasn't supposed to work with me today, but by some strange twist of fate he showed up doing the wrong shift with me instead, which I took as God's little message as saying, "HAY stop moping and listen to this guy."

Before I knew what happened, this mysterious new worker with the amazing ability to connect and open people up had me pouring out all my feelings and misery and problems onto a quiet, listening ear, despite only having met him less than ten minutes. In turn, he told me about his life and his philosophies and listening to his story about him and his partner somehow just brought me to my senses in one shock. I thought people like this don't exist anymore. I saw how happy he is as he said completely without any hesitation or embarassment about how rocky their relationship was and what happened and how they overcome it (he even started taking salsa dancing classes with her to encourage her to feel better about herself!!) and now they are ploughing through life happy and united, with a house ready to move in by March, new jobs, new opportunities and how they were both so willing and so committed to be together as a unit despite all shortcomings.

It was inspiring because I seriously didn't believe people like this exist anymore. We listened to each other for the entire 5 hours we worked together and he gave me the best advice I have heard in a long time, something so simple and yet so easily forgotten. I was moved close to tears because I really needed an ear to listen and it was such a simple, human thing, like a pat on the back which made me choke back tears. Humans are amazing and we have amazing hearts with amazing capacities if we'd only allow ourselves the chance to show it.

Also, now I can juggle a 'Two-ball shower'.

I looked straight at you with calm, quiet eyes today and despite the numbness, there was still a little bit of emotion left in me because it still hurt even though I thought that the hurt had already reached a whole maximum (I guess not) but what hurt even more was watching you hurt too and we were both sitting cross-legged there like idiots, hurting and crying and hurting and crying even more, and I love us because we're idiots like that.

We're taking a risk together and I'm glad we took it because I know for sure things will work out this time as long as we don't give up on each other. It will work.

I feel different now, a silent, reserved kind of strength, and I'm not miserable or upset or depressed - I feel content and at peace and strong and there's this little feeling deep inside of me that just knows I will be okay no matter what happens. I will be okay.

Hey, we're one of a kind. We're vintage, remember? =)

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