Wednesday, January 30, 2008; 1:22 AM
Why do people hurt each other?

I can never really understand the reason between causing another person emotional or physical pain - what is in it for both parties? Nothing but more pain, pain pain pain all round, and everybody hurts and it's sad.

I've come to a slow realization nowadays as I slowly rebuild my world and learn to appreciate more the little simple pleasures and gestures, that nobody really ever means to hurt. Nobody wants to hurt, and everybody just wants to be happy. Happiness is simple, really. Just love each other, be nice to each other, respect each other and make each other happy. Happiness is so simple, and yet we humans tend to complicate things up so much and end up hurting.

Like my brother screaming obscenities at me today, and like me hiding in a corner of McCool's bathroom today due to self-insecurities, like a friend crying her eyes out on the telephone - all the little ways in which we hurt. And yet it is so simple - a hug from a loved one, a phone call, a gentle touch of the fingers, a sincere smile - all the ways in which happiness is transmitted, and yet so often neglected.

It is the little things that we need to learn to love. I love your hair. I love your smile. I love your veined, strong arms that somehow always wrap themselves around me at just the right moments. I love my laugh. I love my eyes. I love the way I dance with my fingers pointing upwards. I love her cooking. I love her glossy little nails. I love his pot-belly. I love his fat, upturned nose.

Humans need to learn to love. Just then you lovingly told me to keep us simple - and I am still recovering and reeling from the previous excruciating heartache, and now I realize that sometimes it's best not to think too much, or overanalyse too deeply or wonder too much - sometimes it's best to just live in the moment, love in the moment and appreciate everything you have. There are no certainties for the future, so why fret about it? All that matters is this moment, this moment you have right here, right now. This moment where all my thoughts are pouring out into my fingertips like liquid ink, fluid, honest - easily smudged but never erased.
As for me, I am slowly but surely healing, everyday I can remove one more bandaid and all that's left is tiny little scars. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can remove all the bandaids and I will be able to have a heart that is full and unbroken once again. Everyday I'm getting closer, there is hope.

At this moment, I am trying not to focus on the past or the future. I am trying to focus on the present. And in this present, all I know is that despite the doubts and the insecurities and the issues (I think I have depression issues....god I hope not), I do love life. And one of the reasons I love life is because of you. And because of you, today instead of cowardly picking up my bag and running away from your house when I had a minor panic attack, instead I hugged you and stayed - and god damn, I'm glad I stayed.

In the past, I fell in love with you. In the present, I am still in love with you. And in the future, I know for sure that I did love you.

If only people would stop hurting each other, and start loving a little more, we could all have the kind of happiness only cats seem to have.

Labels: , ,