Monday, March 24, 2008; 11:29 PM
Far out, it's things like this that make me so mad!

Let's just say it's not my position to disclose what happened, but a friend of mine got into a horrible predicament and - oh god - UGHH UGH UGH this world is so messed up it's not funny. Where's the justice system?! Justice my arse, there's no justice in this whole affair at all!

Discrimination against gays and lesbians and discrimination against age needs to STOP.

How can any human do this to another human and feel no remorse or guilt at all!? It's inhumane! Oh lord, I hope she'll be okay. IT'S SO UNJUST and I am so powerless to do anything to change but but - this world needs to change, this world needs to change right now and I want to do anything in my power to change the world.

UGH I can't stand the unjust that's going on!! It needs to STOP!!!


Wednesday, March 19, 2008; 1:08 AM
Ah, you know what I want? What I need?

Right now, what I need is a holiday. A real holiday. Technically, I am on holiday because I'm unemployed and not studying, but I don't mean that kind of holiday. I mean a getaway. Oh god, I need a getaway.

A real holiday. Not just to any place, but to somewhere nice. A beach!!! A nice, long stretch of neverending white sand. A comfy hotel with cozy white and brown sheets, minibar and verandah overlooking the ocean. And room service!! Shit, it's been way too long since I've gone on a real vacation and stayed in a real hotel and walked on a real beach at night looking for crabs. I want to feel the sea breeze in my hair again and sand between my toes! I want to get away from modern, contemporary city life! I want to go on holiday and forget about all the cares in the world! I want to feel young again!! Lately I've been feeling like I'm about 81 years old and a gazillion white hairs will pop put of my head. My youth!! I want it back!!!! Aaaahh!!

I want to just scream and jump into a pool without caring! I want to kick my shoes off and go running along the shoreline! I want to stay up till 3 am playing cards and pillowfights and laughing my socks off!! I want to fall asleep tired but happy!! I want to eat with my hands and not care!! I want to play Truth or Dare!! I want to listen to scary stories at night and freak myself out!! I want to see how long I can stand still in the water before the waves wash all the sand away!! I want to build sandcastles! I want to collect sea shells! I want to erase the existence of city life drama from my brain! I want to return to simplicity, to normalcy. I want to return to naiveity, innocence, ecstatic, euphoric amounts of happiness, gut-busting laughter, healthy, happy, not-a-care-in-the world existence! I want someone with me doing all these things!

Even if just for a short escape, I need an escape. Oh the beach. Oh for a holiday by the beach! *wishful thinking* Sigh..


Monday, March 17, 2008; 5:33 PM
Gold and Silver
I'm still waiting for the skies to clear.

Sometimes it looks promising, sometimes it doesn't - but it still takes far too long.
Don't wait for me, because I don't know for sure if they will ever clear, and through all the rain and drought and everything in between, my sky will probably never look the same again. It's a very different sky to what you knew - and what I knew.

I hope your skies are clear. I wanted to meet you... even if just once.

Beyond everything and things far away, I hope your skies are clear.
baby I can make you feel nice

It's becoming a trend how I'm starting each new blog entry with some sort of scream, haha.

I'M BOREDDDD. I spent all last night emailing out applications to different companies and so far I've gotten two replies - I got rejected from one (which doesn't really matter because I wasn't so interested in it anyway) and another one says they will get back to me so that's good. Now I just need to burn multiple CDs and snail mail them all over the place.

Otherwise, I am bored. It's another 40 degree day and I'm lounging around my computer watching YouTube videos and blaring Britney Spears out my speakers.

Last night I dreamt I went to this really posh, large, rich barn to ride and they had dozens of different arenas of different footing and sizes, their own streets with stalls, hundreds of staff and was just so posh and incredible. But there was no traffic control and cars don't turn on their headlights at night which makes one doubt the safety of the horses. The place which caught my attention the most was the stables, beautiful and wooden and rustic, warm with good lighting and plenty of hay and the unmistakable smell of contented horses. There I got my ride for the night - a tall handsome bay gelding called Fleetwood Mac (where have I heard that name before?), who was handed to me by an equally handsome, strapping Irish stablehand with hair the colour of straw and deep blue eyes. Our eyes met and we talked and he was arkwardly charming whilst I resisted the urge to chant, "Tiddllee tiddly potatoh!" and then I cantered Fleetwood Mac out to the dressage arena over the cross-country course, which was large and a beautiful violet under the stars and we did canter pirrouetes and perfect piaffes in the large sand arena with floodlights. He was an amazing ride and would jump anything. His canter was akin to that of a Grand Prix dressage horse, smooth and balanced and he was attentive and soft.

I proudly told anyone I could that I was from Blinkbonnie, and no matter how posh and awesome their barn is, nothing beats the warmth hospitality of Blinkbonnie. When I returned Fleetwood Mac to the stables, I helped the sexy Irish stablehand untack and groom, and he was apparently captivated by my radiant beauty and kissed me tenderly in the stable, underneath the lights, beside a steaming horse and flying bits of hay. It was very romantic.

When I awoke I was slightly disoriented, wondering why I was in my dark little room instead of a sweet-smelling hay loft with a cozy little bunk and a stablehand who's scent was akin to that wonderful comforting smell of horse with hair the colour of straw and deep, blue eyes gently ravishing me, a lantern burning on the floor. It felt so real and I lay there for a moment or two as reality sank in, then I realized I read too much Flambards and Dick the stablehand doesn't exist outside of the fictional world.

Then I felt a little guilty towards McCool for having such a magnificent dream and focused my brain towards the scent of sandalwood instead, which made me feel a little appeased.

Mmm. Back to being bored out of my mind! Will edit with Sketch of the Day later if I get round to it.

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Sunday, March 16, 2008; 5:17 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what am I doing??!?!?!??!

I should be writing my cover letter for job applications, I should be burning copy after copy of my portfolio to distribute to various companies, I should be thinking of getting my website up and running again -- I should be out at a funky cafe listening to a live jazz band and drinking lemon lime no fizz, on the rocks!!!

AAAHHH why am I lying at home on my computer, staying away from the sun and wiltering into a mess of procastination and umotivation!?! LOL.

MJY keeps making excuses for me not getting off my arse and doing some work, and I gladly accept his excuses, also adding the fact that my computer is slower than the slowest snail in the Guinness Book of Records, which makes the task of opening MS Word and actually typing a cover letter a very daunting one, which will take no less than a bucketload of agony and a bald head as a result.

Aaaahhh I'm sooo bored. It's soooo hot outside. I'm just being whiny at the moment, so bear with me. My uncle is picking me up for dinner in about two hours and I've spent my day whining to people online about how hot it is and how bored I am and it makes me feel a little bit better because my friends are just as bored and Big M is stuck watching downloaded movies and MJY's Adobe broke down and so he's about as badly off as me and - what can I say - Misery Loves Company. Also, we are all young and beautiful and we should be spending our weekends being bored at some trendy establishment, perving on pretty boys and girls, or barbeque-ing on the beach in sunnies and shorts. Except that it is almost 40 degrees outside and nothing short of a life-threathening earthquake would persuade me to leave the comfort of my dingy apartment right now, with the blinds drawn firmly down and my short shorts. *turns on some Micheal Buble*

I wonder what McCool is doing? At least his computer is fast, the lucky man, why do I have the feeling I'll end up typing my cover letter and burning my portfolios on his computer?? Aaahhh procastination, how you get the better of me, and how I let you.

I haven't even done any Sketch of the Day. Aaaahh blame the heat, blame the weather, always blame the weather!

Lemon lime no fizz lemon lime no fizz lemon lime no fizz on the roooccckkkssssss~~

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Saturday, March 15, 2008; 9:36 PM
horse smorshe
I was so exhausted by the end of the day my legs could barely hold myself up any longer. There was still one more lesson to go and one more paddock full of hungry ponies to hay. I hadn't eaten anything all day and had resorted to greedily gulping down water from the horses's water hose.

I was covered in hay, my fingers were caked in gunk from grooming, my hair was a mess and the dirt on my face resembled something like the Swamp Thing. Finally I collapsed on an overturned crate in the stalls, too tired to do anything else.

Beside me, Prince stuck his head out with a curious "Hrruummphh?" I ignored him, too tired even to pat him, and he nudged my forehead gently with his muzzle.
"What, Prince?" I looked up impatiently and absentmindedly gave him a pat. He lowered his eyes to reach mine and blinked slowly, blowing gently out of his nostrils. His gentle brown eyes stared directly into mine and what could I do but laugh? Then he stuck out his muzzle demandingly.

"What??" He pushed himself slightly forward, sticking out his muzzle towards my face. It was almost as if he was demanding a kiss!
I planted one sweet kiss right in the middle of his demanding muzzle, and seemingly satisfied, he hrruumphed softly again and thrust his head gently into my chest for nuzzly cuddles and more kisses. Despite his size, he was completely gentle, completely trusting and did not use any more force on me than a lamb could. Once again I was in awe of these creatures. How beautiful it is when the strong are also gentle!

Almost immediately all my bitterness vanished and all my exhaustion was completely worthwhile again.


Ah horses. They're always happy to see you. They always appreciate a good pat, a hug, a kiss or a bag of carrots. They carry you around on their backs all day long for a kind word in return. Their eyes light up when you appear. They never cease to love, they are always honest, always true, always loyal and always noble. Even the brattiest pony patiently allows the silliest children to brush his mane.
"Love means attention, which means looking after the things we love. We call this stable management."

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Friday, March 14, 2008; 3:17 PM
Jobs and stuff
Hmm, okay, it's been about a week or so since I last blogged and I deserve to be flushed down the Blogging Toilet Bowl of Sin, but but but! My excuse is that I have been trying to pull together several job applications to secure my future financial status and perhaps earn my way towards that dream horse and dream house and dream car and dream job. Besides thinking about job applications, I have been somewhat slack in actually applying for them, so I've put my portfolio together and am now going to dedicate this blogging hour into listing down companies which I will apply for a junior artist position :

1. Big Ant Studios (and I've already got the green light from them to send in my stuff so that's one finger crossed)
2. Complete Post
3. Tantalus Interactive
4. Acheron Design
5. Endgame Studios
6. Infinite Interactive
7. Transmission Games (IR Gurus)
8. Iron Monkey Studios
9. Torus Games
10. Red Tribe
11. Visual Jazz
12. Act3 Animation Studios
13. BlueTongue Entertainment
14. Firemint
15. Studio Moshi

Ugh, headaches. I hate applying for jobs. With me spamming all these companies, you'd think at least one of them would accept me, right? All my itty bitty ten fingers and toes are crossed.

Anyways, enough about that teeth-gnashing business. Last night was a bizarre experience, because I had to sleep in my own bed again after some time sleeping in McCool's bed - and the strange thing is that I couldn't fall asleep. Not because of anything, but BECAUSE when I stay over at the McCool residence, he snores. Oh, he snores like anything. Like a lawn mover on high speed revving into my ear. Usually I want to stuff styrofoam up his nostril to turn off the noise and sometimes I resort to desperate measures (such as lifting his hand and dropping it several times and checking for snoring rings on his pinky) but last night - there was no snoring!!!

And I was not used to there being no annoying loud noise in my ear so I couldn't sleep. What! It must be the most bizarre case of sleep-deprivation ever. Also, I think I should keep a recording of his snoring and place it next to my pillow next time to ease me to sleep - although that would put me on the CNN headlines for psycho behaviour.

Also when he drinks his body temperature is searing hot and when we sleep with my head on his arm, and although I thoroughly enjoy it, IT BURNS and it is so hot and I just want to push him to the other side of my bed and fling the blanket on the floor. Then it would be nice and cool, and last night I had my bed to myself and there was no hot hot arm to melt my skin and I thought, "Oh, how nice!" but then I found my pillow too cold and tossing and turning around didn't help, so despite it being a 30 degree night, I put my teddy on top of my pillow so my head was propped at just the right uncomfortable angle, teddy's fur acting as insulation for heat. And thus, I finally fell asleep.

I bet McCool would be howling with laughter when he reads this.

On Saturday it will be 35 degrees and higher and I will absolutely melt and burn into a fine crisp because I will be working at the barn all day long - hay season too! Somebody please save my soul. AAAAHHH.

Does anybody have the original Sega Nights Soundtrack? And the Christmas Nights Soundtrack? The old-school ones, not the shithouse Wii one. For some reason I've lost them and I will love you forever if someone can send them my way.

Oh yeah, sketch of the day. Really rough, I'm so not in the mood.

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Wednesday, March 5, 2008; 5:00 PM
So I went back to work at Coffee Bean yesterday just to help out KK who couldn't fill his shift, and uh, it was boring and I am suddenly kinda glad that I did quit when I did. However Chloe made me work one more shift next week so I have to do one more day of boring-ness, but it's okay I guess? Especially since my wallet has been feeling suspiciously light nowadays. Not that making coffee brings in much bucks, but you get the idea.

McCool's sister practised her facial skills on me the other night and oh, the things I let myself go through. It must be me, but do you girls seriously enjoy getting facials done? Your skin poked and prodded and pinched in every position imaginable? I squirmed everytime she touched my neck, but I suppose nothing could be worse than being kicked by a horse. I must admit, she was quite good at it though, and the massage she gave me at the end was very welcome. Her parting words of "hoping to use me for more facials in the future" sent a shiver down my spine, but I suppose I will endure it anyway, for the sake of my epidermis! I could feel them celebrating at being clean for a change, haha. Oh, my poor skin - I owe you so much!

Oh ya, have a Sketch of the day :

I can't draw cars usually...I need some sort of photo reference when I want to draw something from real-life accurately, which in my opinion is a big No-No, so I decided to draw a car anyway, in tribute to my heart and my bum jumping ten feet out of the chair in shock everytime McCool yells at 500 decibels at the TV everytime he crashes in Burnout Paradise, bless his soul. Oh, my poor heart! Spooking at sudden loud noises will now be added to my list of abilities.

So yes, here is a car. It's quick and strange-looking and undeniably very messy, but it's a car nonetheless! I hope it looks like it's speeding to you, hahaha.

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Sunday, March 2, 2008; 8:58 PM
not much
Sketch of the day :

I know, really crap huh. I'm cutting myself some slack anyway. I'm no equine artist.

Also I just defeated a Level 6 song in Ouendan and I think my wrist is about to fall off!

Also watching Anky Van Grunsven do her dressage test in WEG 2006 always makes me a little happy inside. I hope that someday I can ride like that.

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Saturday, March 1, 2008; 11:45 PM
Sketch of the day

Because I have nothing to blog about, also I don't have any inspiration to draw. Hay season started today and I am drained as a sieve, exhausted as an elephant, tired as tarzan and I endlessly mistake my hair for strands of hay which I think some horse is going to randomly start nibbling on, even after I'm home, showered, fed, watered, groomed.

Oh, but I got a nice pay rise from the barn. Yay! One thing to whinny about.

Aaaaahhh..... hhaaaaayyyyyy......

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