Tuesday, May 27, 2008; 2:16 AM
no such thing as ordinary
"The Phoenix bird, dost thou not know him? The Bird of Paradise, the holy swan of song!...In Paradise, when thou wert born in the first rose, beneath the Tree of Knowledge, thou receivedst a kiss, and thy right name was given thee-thy name, Poetry."
-Hans Christian Anderson, The Phoenix Bird

One of my close friends was feeling really down in the dumps today, and called for an emergency dinner gathering, so I went out to have dinner with them. I was feeling pretty bitter and unhappy myself, so we spent the night singing at the top of our lungs in off-key voices and laughing (as forcedly as we could) till our asses fell off.
The truth is, we were miserable, we were all miserable - but we're friends and this is what friends do - we are there for each other, and I am grateful that I had my friends with me when I am miserable and I am glad that we made Big M feel a little bit better when he was feeling at his utmost worst.

When I was on the train platform on the way home, I bumped into an old senior from high school, one that I had a major crush on way back when. It was a little arkward, and a little strange, and amidst a few polite exchanges and How Do You Dos, we started laughing a little and joking like it hadn't been over 5 years since we last met. Through all the sticky subjects, not a word was mentioned about my crush on him in the past, which was all for the better. Although I am happy - happy to see that meeting him again certainly doesn't stir up any old emotions or feelings. There is a little bit of nostalgia, but that's it. It was good to finally meet up with my past and stare it in the face with no harboured emotions whatsoever. I should've done it a long time ago, instead of continuously avoiding it. It's good to move on.
As we exchanged goodbyes when he got off the train, it's good to move on.

I would like to know how I have grown as a person. Even though I am only 21, I feel like my youth has entirely flown me by. Have I grown much from the confident, sassy 15 year old that once was? Once upon a time my blog was about facing adversities and tackling life's obstacles head on. Nowadays it's mostly bitching about life.
Have I really grown as a person? Have I lived the way I want to? Yes, yes I have. I have lived and laughed and loved all my way through life and I am determined to keep doing it. True, I am not exactly where I want to be in life right now, but every day is a step closer to reaching dreams.
Along the way I have fallen many times and I have hurt many times, but I don't think that's a bad thing. We learn and grow from the past, even if the past hurts. I don't think shutting off is ever an answer, I have always loved fully and wholly and I don't think Love could be wrong in any way.

Love life. Live well. I was talking to my friends today and then I said, I am a horse. Horses are herd creatures and get anxious if alone with no herd members in sight. I am similar, in a way. I dislike being alone, and I need a herd or a companion. That's right, I need. It could be a weakness or it could not, but I don't think needing companionship is a bad thing. I fully believe in spreading joy and most people in today's generation would probably scoff me off for being naive and too idealistic, but I don't think it's wrong.

I think sometimes people lose sight of things. The other night there was this footage of an old woman desperate for food in Burma, and I started crying, yet hiding my tears from my friends. I just wanted to hug her. I don't understand why people feel the need to act tough or look strong or put on any facade for the sake of popularity or self image or generalizing themselves into stereotypes. What is wrong with being open and honest and sincere in every aspect of your life, what is wrong with opening your eyes to see the world as it is and to learn to appreciate the beauty of both the beautiful and the ugly? People don't appreciate enough.

I want to love and be loved, fully and wholly and completely and unconditionally. I think every human being deserves that kind of love. I am loved, we are all loved. We just need to appreciate it more. Thank you all for loving me, and rest assured I love you too.

I believe everyone needs someone. Everyone needs someone.

"i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart."

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Sunday, May 25, 2008; 11:47 PM
Disney and their false representations of love
I just spent a significant amount of time rewatching old Disney moments on YouTube. It's so nostalgic! I grew up to these cartoons : Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Alladin, Jungle book... etc etc, the list goes on. Everyone loves old school Disney!

And you know, even though the movie titles are 'Aladdin', or 'Tarzan' or anything like that, and the hero is always the main character, in fact the story always somehow revolves around the female protagonist. For example, Alladin giving up his entire lifestyle for Princess Jasmine (he even made a pact with a genie... I mean, I would marry him just for that!) ... the Beast returning to his princely self because of Belle... Prince Charming battling a dragon for Sleeping Beauty whom he only met once... and then Cinderella's prince searching the entire kingdom with a frickin' shoe... Mowgli leaving his entire life in the jungle for that chick in the village... Prince Eric fighting a frickin' sea octopus witch for Ariel who can't even speak!

I guess most little girls want their own prince somehow, one who would do anything for them like the Disney princes. Misrepresentation! There's no such thing in real life! And because I am a hopeless romantic who lives off golden flowerfields and pink ribbons and dashing lads swooping ladies off on magic carpets, I am bitter and in deep denial.
For the longest time I believed Disney - that most men would do anything in their power to better their lady, and vice versa. Frickin' Disney. I'm 21 now and where the heck is my Beast. Instead, I'm faced with the reality of the world - men - typical men who watch the Simpsons and believe that Homer is the epitome of the Perfect Man, men who idolize Johnny from South Park, men who run far away at the mere mention of flowers, or long walks on the beach, or a picnic in the park. Men who's idea of love is sitting in a pub watching football, or other normal, mundane things. Men who think other men who pull chairs out for ladies are wussies.

Goodness, what happened to good old fashioned chivalry? What happened to romance? What happened to "I can show you the world, take you wonder by wonder"? What happened to intimacy? What happened to the magic? You know, everything is so mundane. As each day passes I get duller and duller. I feel myself melting into a big puddle of Dull. If there was such thing as Dull stew, I would have invented it.

So I guess I have Disney to thank for getting my hopes up since childhood. Also, I am still a firm hopeless romantic who gets all teary when a sweet scene in a movie plays, who wants to stroll through parks and hand out flowers, who wants someone to sing to me, who loves cheese and doesn't understand how anyone can think cheese is bad. I still burst into song on my balcony, grasping for adventure. I guess I am pretty old fashioned.
So in this world full of "real men", I guess I will have to thank Disney very very bitterly when I am old, wrinkly and 81, living alone in my cottage in provincial France with 100 ponies.

So now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to arguing with MJY about who is the hottest Disney character ever.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008; 6:35 PM
random blah?
Seriously, I don't even know why I'm a staff member at the pink anymore. Everything can be so biased and sometimes I just wish people like Clorith and Shrouded and STA and Lynn (omg Lynn) would come back. :/

Anyways, forum drama aside - NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Hello bored world, how are you, I am bored thank you. I've been working on drawing some fanart to go with Sam's awesome fanfic, and knitting myself a pretty white scarf, but other than that, life is pretty uneventful. I just spend each day staring at a white ceiling while eating Kit Kats. not that I'm complaining about the kit kats

So, how you doin'?

mmm, the new Maroon5 song is teh smexx. //random

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Friday, May 9, 2008; 4:56 PM
hi, my name is Yin and I'm broke
I have this sudden, inexplicable urge for exorbidant amounts of ice-cream.... I feel like I could wipe an entire tub clean in one sitting. It must be because the founder of Baskin Robbins has just passed away and everyone is talking about their favourite flavours. R.I.P, Mr. Ice Cream. ;-(

i love Very Berry Strawberry mixed with Vanilla, cookies and cream and Yam omg. what about you?


Also, I've got the flu upon my return to my apartment - I think it's the chill in here that wipes through the place every few seconds. *shudders* As soon as I get out of my apartment, I'm perfectly fine. It really sucks, because I am layered up in four layers of thick, wooly clothing and a scarf the size of a polar bear and yet I am sneezing and sniffling and using up the entire supermarket's supply of tissue.
My only wish right now is that some hero would swoop in with copious amounts of HOT CHICKEN MUSHROOM SOUP and heaps of luscious Hot Chocolate, a huge family sized block of chocolate (Kit Kat will do nicely.) and of course, a tub of ice cream. Maybe throw in some flowers, a teddy bear, a puppy, perhaps a mini Shetland pony and I will be quite appeased. =)

ALSO some food would be nice because my apartment is stripped bare - I have nothing not even instant noodles and I am too broke to buy any food - jhdajhdasdha I have been starving since finishing the last packet of instant Cup-Of-Soup yesterday but ksdajhdsajhda stay positive and what gets me through is ~*THINSPIRATION*~ y'all! =D

So now my CD drive on my laptop decides to break down on me, which means I can't reformat and save the life of my dying computer, which means my computer is utterly and hopelessly broken, which means I will soon have no computer because I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW ONE GODDAMMIT I wish everyone would stop telling me that I need to get a new one - I know I need a new one but do I look like I can afford one???!!! At the moment I'm Miss Live-In-Pyjamas because its-too-expensive-to-go-out and save-every-cent-for-horses even if-it-means-death-and-starvation.

So, well, crap. No computer. HOW WILL I SURVIVE.

I am thinking of opening more commissions again, although after my years long absence from the art world, I doubt anyone would want to commission me anymore, but I guess it's a desperate long-shot? Oh dear. We shall see.

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Wednesday, May 7, 2008; 9:23 PM
Tori Karaage Ramen
McCool bought me a little robot chicky to keep me company! It is so cute and chirpes ever so cutely when I speak to it! McCool has christened him 'Tori' but because it sounds too much like food, I call him 'Chipu'. I just hope that the dog doesn't eat it by mistake.

Anyways, meme time because there's not much else to say! Ganked from wish_spirit on LJ :

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Yin
2. Mei Yin
3. Princess? That would be nice.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. yin-chan
2. dominique871
3. magicha104 (...don't ask.)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes
2. My wrists (I heart tiny wrists.)
3. My collar bone

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My fingers (they're too pudgy! D:)
2. My boobs (get bigger plz.)
3. My legs (they need to be longer! GROW, dammit!)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Chinese
2. Chinese
3. Swedish (srzly.)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Insects (including spiders, roaches and anything bearing resemblance)
2. Being alone
3. Sharp objects

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Rings =3
2. comfy undies
3. hugs ♥

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Jeans
2. old fuzzy cardigan
3. ring from mccool =3

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. James Morrisson
2. Michelle Branch
3. Britney Spears (lulz, but srzly.)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love and the ability to LOL together (lolz are important! its true.)
2. Respect and devotion towards one another
3. Good sex (yes yes, it DOES matter! very much.)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I'm gay.
2. I love to eat fish.
3. I've kicked horse poop at someone before.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Hair omg.
2. Smile.
3. Physical fitness. (i dun like boys that sit on their arses eating Maccas all day long, sorryz.)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Horse riding and everything horse-related.
2. Cuddling with McCool, especially when it rains.
3. Taking a walk through a park or nature reserve.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go horse riding
2. Paint something.
3. McCool.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Artist / illustrator
2. Horse riding instructor. =(
3. Teacher

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. The beach!! ♥ (...need...must...go..)
3. Tibet / Mongolia

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Aerith ♥ (LOL but I am a geek, live with it.)
2. Juliette
3. Julian

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Travel the world!! See everything!! Meet everyone!!
2. Own a horse and dog.
3. Get married.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I don't fart in public. (Or in front of anyone, period.)
2. I spend way too much on clothes I don't need! (Note : broke and unemployed)
3. Cute boys, pretty sparkly stuff and ponies attract my attention. (Note : sometimes I Squee.)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. Sometimes I can't be bothered to shave my pitts if I'm not going out.
2. I own less clothes than my boyfriend / brother / cousin / friend / relative.
3. I wear the same pair of shoes for years until they break beyond all hope.

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