Wednesday, April 15, 2009; 12:56 PM
Case of the Ex
If there is one thing about the future that I dread to even think about, it would be meeting my ex-boyfriend(s) new girlfriend(s). It's just such a dreadful thought, and I feel sorry for these poor girls if by some uncanny smite from God himself, paths cross and I find myself in the unfortunate position of bumping into an ex and his new girlfriend.

I don't think I would even want to know if an ex-boyfriend is dating someone else. My high school sweetheart is probably still single (this I know from a little thing called Facebook) and for good reason, because he really was a tool - douche - jackass - whatever you call it. And if unfortunately I ever run into him with a new squeeze, I will take great pity on that girl and perhaps tell her to RUN RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!
Then again, it's always weird to be the 'ex-girlfriend', isn't it? I would hate for any of these newer, younger chicks to think of me as "that crazy ex-girlfriend". Ugh. C'mon, if a guy ever refers to his ex as crazy, oh maybe, just maybe that guy was a little kooky himself, eh? For example, the tool I dated for that short period in high school - I have no doubt in my mind that if he dates someone new, he will refer to me as the tyrant, mad, insane ex who never even let him sit down to watch a game of football.

In reality, he always rang me when his football game was on, and when I would ask him why wasn't he watching it, he always said, "Oh, nah! I'd much rather be talking to you on the phone, babe!" And then the next day he'd blow up in my face in front of all our friends yelling that I never let him do stuff he wanted like watching football. And I would just look at him like, "You've got to be kidding me."

He would then proceed to check out his hair in the window reflection and whip out that little comb he carries around with him everywhere.

I do, however, sincerely dread the thought of meeting say, McCool's new girlfriend or even Jin's, if they ever do have a new lady in their life. See, people like Jin and McCool, they don't stay single for long. They never do. They always get snapped up quicker than a hobo spying a penny on the ground. Young, handsome, rich - and charming enough to talk the hind leg off a donkey - they are the kind of men that most girls are relentlessly on the hunt for. And I, for one, would not like to know if they ever move on and date some hot German supermodel with the legs of Heidi Klum. No no, I don't want to know, not listening, la-la-la-la-la. I would probably stare bloody daggers at their new girlfriends and prick pins into voodoo dolls with a vengeance so fierce Zeus would appear at my doorstep to recruit me into his army.

If only God would have mercy on me and never put me through the traumatic ordeal of meeting new girlfriends. Which is why staying friends with an ex who was very dear to you on Facebook is never a good idea.

I only hope they will have good things to say about me to their new girls, preferably, "You girls have got a lot to live up to!"

Yeah!

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