So probably none of you have noticed that I added these new buttons to the bottom of every post which allows you to share the post on Twitter, RSS feeds, Google reader, Yahoo... just about any internet platform your heart desires. Also to the left, I have added a new feature which enables you to get my updates right in your email! Yay!
...or not, because who on earth wants to be spammed with my posts in your inbox, or feel the urge to talk about my non-existent personal life on Twitter? No no, it just helps me feel slightly better about my blog and also shows that I can do nifty things like 'keep up with the times, my homies!'
Did I say that right? I'm getting old.
Anyhoo, I passed my Hazard Perception Test
today! For those of you scratching your heads and going, "Hurhh?"
, the Hazard Perception Test is a requirement in Victoria for people who want to get their driver's license. Basically it's a test where you sit in front of a computer, watch a driving simulation and click the mouse whenever you should slow down, or overtake, or make a turn. It's not as simple as it seems, the video is deceivingly pixelated, which means a pedestrian choosing to dash across the road at the last second looks simply very much like a pixelated insect flying by. I ended the test near tears, convinced I had failed because I chose to overtake a car straight into the oncoming path of a HEAVY DUTY TRAILER TRUCK but the attendant looked at my miserable face and decided to torture me even more by silently stamping those stamp things very loudly and aggresively on my marking sheet. I was horrified and gasped desperately, "Did I fail?? Oh, don't tell me the bad news..." and he tortured me even more by inserting a very long pause, before informing me I did very well indeed.
I have never been more relieved other than the time I finally got my period after it being mysteriously absent for six months, but that is too much information.
Yes, in a few week's time, it will be legal for me to terrorize the streets and legally putting lives of little old ladies in danger!
...please watch out if you see my car hurtling towards you at breakneck speed, because I really do not have homocidal tendencies, I swear.
Also, today is my dear daddy's birthday, and tomorrow is my birthday - I will be turning 22 [applause, please] and am certainly getting on in my years. It is so depressing. I have crashed headlong into a quarter life crisis which feels strangely a lot like a mid-life crisis, and cannot help but feel that the peak of my youth, my vigour, my exuberance and sexuality - are passing me by, blowing kisses and laughing mockingly while it breezes past in a Series 5 BMW convertible.
I call it my Britney years - my early twenties - when legs are long and hair is soft and hips are meant to be gyrated. Of course, after they pass you turn psycho and start attacking cars with umbrellas. Can you blame me for being terrified?! I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman
has never related more to me than now. Just the other night I was singing it pensively to myself, while sitting in a corner weeping. McCool entered the room, saw me, stopped and the look on his face was one of a young parish witnessing his first demon execution. He stood there, as still as a statue for a whole of ten seconds before slowly backing out of the room. Later that night, we were laying in bed to go to sleep when he mustered up enough courage to turn to me and ask, "What's wrong?"
I replied, "I'm turning into a woman."
He paused for a second, then said, "Is this some kind of Britney reference? Are you turning into Britney?"
No, in a few hours I will no longer be 21, I will be 22 - and that is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Soon, I will be 23, and then 24, and I'll be OLD!! My tummy will no longer be flat, my skin will no longer be perky, my boobs will discover the floor, my hips will lose the ability to swivel...
...I guess I should make it also clear that my skin is crap anyway, and what boobs
OH GOD I WILL END UP LIKE SUSAN BOYLE
!!! Except the singing part. I can't even sing! Cruel, so cruel!
Happy Birthday to me! [sobs]
Labels: britney spears, life, ramblings