Thursday, January 29, 2009; 11:44 PM
post : random
I love when something really constructive happens and catches you completely by surprise : for example say you tell someone about something that really really bothers you, and you would like some changes to be made - and said person completely ignores you, leaving you dissapointed and wondering if they even heard in the first place.

And then voila, all the changes start happening and you find yourself being treated with more respect. And the moment you realize that your words actually were taken into account - and put into effect - the moment that catches you completely off-guard. That's gold, right there. :) It's funny how sometimes putting your foot down and taking a stand for yourself actually does work! *gaspshockhorror*

Little moments like these make me realize; there is hope yet! :)

gif from Ohnotheydidn't

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009; 11:23 PM
I'm telling you my babe, it's all in the game of love
Chinese New Year - and by right, every other day on the calender - really makes you think a little bit more about family. It's a little family tradition growing up in Malaysia whereby whenever a cultural celebration comes out, the big gun companies pull out their best advertisements to celebrate and to get the point across.

Now, not being able to be in KL for this holiday season led me to perusing this year's selection of ads on YouTube. The one I found to be the most poignant - and also made me bawl my eyes out for a good ten minutes or so after - is this year's Chinese New Year message from Petronas. God - there are no words. Watch it. Just watch it.

I know a lot of people who don't get on well with their parents, especially with the changes in generation nowadays. Even my brother and my father have a somewhat strained relationship due to their difference in opinions and headstrong natures. But I was raised in a very traditional Chinese way, where it was all about respecting the elders, regardless of how pissed off you may feel about them.
Growing up as a teenager, of course I rebelled. I was rude, crass and had very strong opinions about myself or how the world should be like around me. Needless to say, there's no doubt I caused my parents a lot of pain and heartache - and being my young 16 year old obnoxious self, I probably didn't give a rat's ass.
Which is so so silly, really. My dad worked so hard to send me overseas to get a good education - and even moreso now with the economic recession - that it really shouldn't matter at all how much our opinions differ, or how different we are in person. In fact, you may come to discover that you are more alike than you think.

My brother too, has hard times dealing with the parents - but at the end of the day he too sits down with me and we both respect and cherish them - and trust me on this - as you grow older, you do start to want to repair broken relationships. I wish now I had not been such a bratty teenager. Every chance I get to fly back to Malaysia now, I spend almost every evening pottering around the garden with my dad as he tends to his beloved orchids, listening to his rambles - drunken or not, regardless of whether I agree or not - I just watch him and I realize, day by day, that he is growing older.
One day, he will dissapear and all I will have left are the memories of the hard work he did to feed and clothe me and raise me. And if I stuck to my stubborness and refused to have a loving relationship with him, the only memories I would have are ones of bitterness, and pain. Every moment he complains of an aching back, every new wrinkle on his face - they ring panic bells within me. Daddy, please don't grow old and leave. I haven't repaid you enough yet. I'm sorry for being a twat. You have every right to be a pissy old man, because you raised me and cared for me and loved me - and even if we may disagree and fight - you will still be my favourite pissy old man and I'm not going to hate you ever, because I know you love me no matter what. And that's all that should be important really, in our relationship.

Regardless of things that have happened in my past, I am still thankful for the family that shaped me into the person I have become. And whilst we are still on the topic of depressing Chinese New Year ads, here is another classic from years past :

Speaks for itself. I hope these made you stop and think about your families for a little bit. If you didn't make it home for Chinese New Year (or any other celebration your family celebrates), give them a call or write a letter. No parent wants to be shut out from their kid's life, even if they may sometimes claim otherwise. I rang my home back in KL yesterday and my dear grandmother was beside herself with joy to hear my voice. So was my dad, even though he didn't show it. Preach - love one another. =)

And on a more amusing note (but no less poignant and completely related to the post at hand), have a dose of warm hearted humour with a meaningful and amusing message. =)

Anyways!! Enough depression for one night! Dear god! Looks like it might rain in here! xD In other news, it has been a good day! Not only did I receive surprisingly generous red packets from both my boss and Mum, I also got my pay rise AND my extra pay check from working at the stables! Whee! Also I had a simply awesome ride on Cosmo (the best pony in the world) today, jumping the cross country course over all the big logs!

I think tomorrow will be a good day too. The weather is warming up and the skies are blue!

Much loves! <3

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Sunday, January 25, 2009; 1:07 PM
Viens plutôt contre moi !
Happy Chinese New Year!!!

I just had a very relaxing weekend, staying at home in Pjs, surfing Ohnotheydidnt (my guilty pleasure - and Oprah's too!), eating chips and singing at the top of my lungs karaoke style to cheesy, old-school Backstreet Boys and N*Sync songs, simply because I have the whole house to myself!

If there's ever a miracle cure for broken hearts and shitty lives, self-karaoke would be it.

Also, it's been way too long since I've been able to listen to cheesy love songs and watch chick flicks and endure sights of happy couples without wanting to commit Seppuku - that I think it's quite a bit of a miracle that I can belt out "This I Promise You" without the slightest hint of heartache! Mmm, progress. Loves it!

I think it's safe to kiss those tearful, lonely nights goodbye. Bye bye bbs of the miserable past, you no longer bother me! 100% recovery? I think so!

It is a matter of my opinion that all songs sound better in French, for example I have just recently discovered the very sassy number Je Ne Parle Pas Français by Girls Aloud (Youtube it!) and I think I will learn French just from listening to this song on repeat. Lest by some fortunate incident I someday shack up with a very smexxy French guy, at least I'll be able to say "I can't speak French but you can french me anyday, bb!"
Just two days ago I was discussing the intriguing subject of hot French men with my co-worker - because hot French men are so relevant to work! - and my co-worker promptly informed me that all French men are skeevy, scruffy, dirty pervs. I beg to differ, because clearly he has never laid eyes on the beauty that is Gaspard Ulliel, whom once again, Ohnotheydidnt has introduced to me. I now live in a disillusioned world where all French guys look and sound like Gaspard Ulliel. And if I have a future lover, I will list a new criteria whereby French is mandatory in the bedroom. Also, Gaspard Ulliel, Gaspard Ulliel, Gaspard Ulliel. I think he is my new favourite Google Search term.

Here Gaspard, have my ~bedroom eyes~.

Tonight, I go back to my brother's place to have a steamboat reunion dinner with Mum. I'm quite looking forward to it because - well, hello - Steamboat! Yumm. No doubt mum will have my favourite beef tendon balls - those are the shiz!

Anyways, hooray for change and hope and optimism etc etc! Watching that First Dance between Obama and Michelle made me bawl my eyes out and want to throw my shoe at the screen before, because I have been turned into a bitter and cynical bitch about love, but now I think I'm okay with it. In fact, now I'm determined that someday I will have that too! Yes I will!

For now I will go and keep singing screeching songs at the top of my lungs, hoping that the neighbour doesn't come knocking and tell me to shut my big pie hole.

Much loves!

all gifs from Ohnotheydidnt. <3

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Monday, January 19, 2009; 12:26 AM
Some days are easy, and some days are tough. Some days are just so hard - and there's always a flow, an up and a down, a rough and a smooth. It feels as though most days are more rough than smooth and at times I feel like I should be in some kind of rehab center because some days, it is just. so. difficult.

Days, nights, what's the difference. You ever get the feeling where you really want something - and yet at the same time you want something completely different altogether? And it's hard to be happy for people even if you know you should - because it's something you want more than anything else and they have it so - so easy.

But don't burst into tears just yet - like you always do, love - because you're hanging in there just like that little fruit bat that's got caught up in a nasty piece of barbed wire. You'll get free somehow - even with the holes and tears in your wings - you'll get free.

Surely everything happens for a reason. Surely. And just like everything else, this too, shall pass.
And perhaps - just perhaps - tomorrow, it will be one of the easier days.
Sunday, January 4, 2009; 12:02 AM
ain't nothing wrong with a little bit of trouble
Day 1 : I stood at the door, biting my lip and trying to hide my trembling hands behind my back. Constantly shifting my weight so nobody could see that I had shaky knees underneath my sweatpants. Smiling - or at least thinking I was. As soon as the door closed, I returned to the room and stood in silence for about five minutes or so. And then I bawled my eyes out.

Day 2 : I got up extra early to go to work - not that I slept much anyway. I kept my phone in my hand the entire day. But I didn't cry.

Day 3 : I took my phone everywhere with me. Into the shower. Out shopping. While I was cooking in the kitchen. While I was feeding the dog. In the toilet. At 3 am I was staring at my phone quietly. But I didn't cry.

Day 4 : A good friend came to visit me and stayed talking till 4 am. I had my phone beside me. I took one look at it and went to sleep. Hello, 2009.

Day 5 : All the chores are done. I clean the house, take out the trash, clean up after the dog, vacuum the floors. I listen to Britney Spears and sing along a little, like some wannabe karaoke diva in a sleazy bar on a Friday night. Everything looks spick and span. Spotless. Perfect. The dog comes and sits beside me. I look quietly at her. And then I start to bawl. She nuzzles me and comforts me with licks and whines as I cry all night through.

Day 6 : My phone sits on the desk next to my hand. Suddenly, it buzzes. I stop to look at it. Then, I pick it up and throw it across the room, so it bangs against the wall and falls to the bed with a thud. And I didn't cry.

Happy 2009. Don't blame the years for dealing you with obstacles, trials, troubles and tribulations. When obstacles crop up, use them as stepping stones, and you'll get somewhere.

Even though it feels like shit will never end, hang in there. Good will come eventually. Even in times of great uncertainty and doubt and loss, good will come.

Please keep trying, self.