Sunday, March 29, 2009; 11:26 PM
Shameless Plug : ClickClockCulture
I finally had a nice, relaxing weekend - after a long week of mind-numbing (and ass-numbing) work. It came as a little bit of dismay when Elly came up and asked me to work on a photoshoot on our joint blog - ClickClockCulture - and the catch was that she wanted to be ready to go in the wee hours of the morning.

So I bid a tearful farewell to my sleep-in Saturday and we traipsed our way tot he the Royal Botanic Gardens for a themed fashion photoshoot.

If you like what you see and would like to see more photos of the very stylish Elly, do head on over to ClickClockCulture and add it to your bookmarks! =)

In other news, I am completely dreading the thought of going back to work tomorrow morning - really, really need to get my clothing label - Midnight Ink - up and running soon so I can quit this humdrum job! I need some motivation! Tell me guys, would you buy some cool animal-print design t-shirts to wear? I really hope this business venture will work out in my favour. =[


Thursday, March 26, 2009; 11:18 PM
Using the toilet at work
Because there comes a point in time during everyone's life, where you just have to use the bathroom at work. There are no 'laters', no 'buts', no 'not me!' about it. I once knew a co-worker who would refuse to drink and hold in her pee for the entire day, simply because she didn't want to use the office toilet. I have been known to call in late to work in order to sort out my affairs at home beforehand, if you get what I mean. Office toilets are a nightmare. All the judgmental eyes following you as you get out of your seat and stride down the aisle leading to the WC... all of them thinking if you are going to do a No. 1 or No. 2, if you are going to flush properly, if you are going to scrunch or fold... let alone what horrors may await you in the dreaded bowl itself.

There was a period of time where the office toilets broke down, and our bosses resorted to calling in a couple of Porta-Loos to be placed in the car park for us to use. What happened was that they discovered the sewer lines had never been attached in the first place, so there was about half a year's worth of fecal matter brewing underground.. and one day, after one (or more) particularly large dumps of crap, the load gave way.

What ensued was nothing short of a M. Night Shyamalan horror movie, only this time it wasn't killer trees, it was killer poop. Or rather, killer stench.

I do not even want to relive the memories of the days where I had to endure torturous minutes in those Porta-loos - let me just say that I HAVE SEEN THINGS IN THERE THAT NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO SEE. EVER.

So it was nothing short of a celebration when, after several ardous months, the sewer line was fixed and the normal, indoor office toilets were reopened once again. Now, I no longer cared if the whole building knew I was going to the toilets, by god, I WILL use these toilets and I will embrace them, especially after the horrors of months past.

Anyway, just the other day I strolled happily into the ladies' room - it's usually empty and I was surprised to bump into a colleague who had just gone it seconds before I had. I don't know about you, but I always find this awkward. What kind of small talk to you have to make in the toilet?! Especially if the both of you are standing at the sink at the same time. What do you say? "Had a good pee? Mine was a bit yellow, but it didn't smell... how bout yours?"

Unfortunately, I could not devise a strategy to avoid this meeting fast enough - and I had to enter the cubicle the same time she did. The walls are thin - and I am paranoid about people hearing me whizz away, for lack of better word. So there I was, by myself in the little cubicle, panicking as I heard her unzipping her pants in the cubicle next door.
"Oh god," I thought. "If I stay too quiet, she will wonder why I'm not peeing!"
So I remained an idiot and started desperately ripping at toilet paper, messing with the seat, fiddling with my belt - as loudly as I can - and it didn't help that I was absolutely BURSTING to go. But of course, I didn't want her to hear me pee - I just wanted to make some sort of noise so she wouldn't think I'm a toilet freak! In fact, I have a weird hang-up where I don't want anyone to hear any sort of bodily noise from me at all - ever.

Anyways, she started unloading in blissful waterfalls and I became more desperate as my kidneys started threathening to form stones. Finally, I decided that I would pee quietly. How I ever came to that idea, I never knew. There is one thing though - I am a bit of a ninja in the toilet when I need to be... the art is to control your muscles and release ever so gently into a small trickle down the SIDE of the bowl - this is very important people, if it hits the water straight on, it is bound to splash and make a noise. Therefore you have to hit the walls and let it trickle down quietly.

Quite zen, really. My mother would be so proud.

After obtaining some relief, I could not delay any longer - she was still going (good lord, she must've drank like a liter of Gatorade or something) and I had to exit the cubicle. I washed my hands as quickly as hygienely possible and immediately rushed to the hand dryer. See, to avoid making small talk at the sinks, you stand at the hand dryer so that the noise eliminates all possibility of conversation.

Of course, I thought I was doing brilliantly and was feeling quite pleased with myself, until she came out of the cubicle, looked at me, and I accidentally farted.


(oh, and because the gorgeous Elly over at ClickClockCulture introduced this to me...)

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Sunday, March 22, 2009; 4:48 PM
Don't say you wanna, don't say you were gonna~
Time to move away from my monotonous life lately with a little bit of entertainment blogging! And no, I shall not blog about Britney, because God knows I tweet about her way too much already. Crap, I think I'm obsessed. Just the other day I went to the record store and picked up a copy of 2001's Britney Spears Live in Las Vegas DVD and had to smuggle it under my jacket while waiting in line to pay - my friend wouldn't even line up beside me for fear of exile! When I went to the counter to hand over my cash, I was praying that the cashier wouldn't look at me like I was a slutty social outcast and say something cleverly snarky like, "Nice day for herpes!"

Luckily, she didn't - actually I think the cashier is a closet Britney fan as well, judging from the way she nodded slightly in approval as she scanned in my purchase! In actuality, I think a LOT of us are closet Britney fans. That co-worker of yours tapping her heels in time to her headphones as she's typing up a proposal? Yep, Brit fan. That middle-aged man reading the gossip section of the newspaper on the train? Brit fan. That quiet bespectacled girl in the corner that nobody ever notices? Brit fan. That homeless man on the street begging for change? Brit fan. Your gay best friend? Need I say it? BRIT FAN.
I am personally of the opinion that Britney fans get more flak for being her fan than any other celebrity! I have copped more insults, laughs and eye-rolling than your average transsexual for being a Britney fan than for any other reason! And I have had enough!! It's time to embrace my Brit-sexuality!

Also, I'm not sure how this turned into another Britney post when I said it wouldn't! !!!! !!111!! exclamation mark !! ! !!!

Anyways, to move away from all things Spear-related, I have been also somewhat following BoA's and Utada Hikaru's efforts to try and break into the mainstream American market - and falling somewhat short. Oh, it's not that they're no good - in fact they're pretty good - it's just that I think they are trying too hard. I managed to sample both BoA's and Utada's debut American album (well-- in Utada's case, second attempt album) and it is sad to say - even though I am not American (although I follow mainstream pop American music like a cult) and I am 100% Asian (I have seen the Edison Chen sex scandal photos, go me!) - I still find that both albums fall short. Which is sad, because I would really like to see an Asian celebrity make it big states-wise, for a change.

BoA's album - aptly titled 'BoA' (I had to lol at myself for that one) is a compendium of highly charged dance tracks which would not seem out of place at a nightclub. However, tune after tune of highly synthesized dance beats and edited vocals soon gets old real quick. Halfway through, I think I needed a break and was craving a nice, juicy ballad. Once I listened to the first few tracks, everything else started to sound strangely similar. Also, her accent really bothers me. To give her credit, BoA only just recently started learning English, but oh geez, my pet peeve is the fobby english accent and even though she did a fantastic job of concealing it - there are moments when I just wanted to scream, "Make it stop!"

Nevertheless, it is a decent attempt and there are a few catchy tunes which are annoying enough to stay in your head all day long - like the annoying 'Did Ya', the somewhat annoying "I-I-I-I did it - did it - did it -did it - did it - for love", and the even more annoying 'Dress Off'. The english version of 'Girls on Top' quickly became my new jam. Everything else, I press 'Skip' when it comes on my iPod.
Favourite songs : Did Ya, Girls on Top

As for Utada - I am so sad to say that even though it was a decent R&B, mainstream pop album - nothing really jumped out at me. The release single, 'Come back to me' was good, but forgettable. The only track that I loved (and am guilty of having on 'Repeat') is the addictive 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI', with little lilts of piano and strings, somewhat reminiscent of her better Japanese material. Every other track sounded exactly the same as any other mainstream R&B / pop album out there and I forgot them all as soon as I heard it. Also, her lyrics are somewhat cringe-worthy. A good album, but not likely to stand out in the crowd.
Favourite songs : Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI

Overall, I have to say I preferred BoA's album. Perhaps I'm being a little over-critical, and let me say first and foremost that this is just my opinion - but I really wish they would have not tried so hard to be mainstream and just stuck to the kind of music that made them so popular in the East. Utada's songs have always had a unique flavour to them - like Sakura Drops (my personal fav), Sanctuary and Deep River. BoA has always had catchy beats and sweet ballads crossed with killer dance moves - I loved Atlantis Princess, Eien and Lose Your Mind - so really, if it ain't broke, why fix it? Americans do know how to appreciate good tracks, and screaming I I I I did it did it did it for love love love love isn't exactly record-breaking material now.

Although, it did work for Rihanna and her Umbrella ella ella ella eh eh eh eh, so I digress.

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Monday, March 16, 2009; 3:45 PM
Too Much for a Monday
Growing up and having friends who are mostly boys means that I have become very much desensitized to the countless (and sometimes tasteless) sexual jokes and remarks - I'm shocked that I'm not shocked at the amount of vulgarity I have been exposed to throughout my adolescent years!

However, my ultimately pervert co-worker seems to raise the bar to a whole new level sometimes, especially given that we are in a workplace. A daily ritual of exchanging filthy jokes is routine between us on every single working day, but to wake up on an early Monday morning to this following exchange?

Co-worker : My thighs are sore.


Co-worker : A long, sweaty, satisfying session of s--

Co-worker : Get your mind out of the gutter!

Co-worker : Soccer.

Co-worker : And btw, her thighs are usually sore, not mine.

Me : Omg I so did not need to know that.

Me : My wisdom teeth are bothering me.

Co-worker : Oh no, you need to get them removed.

Me : Shit, what if it impairs my awesome ability to blow---

Me : ---bubbles.

Co-worker : Oh, good one!

Sometimes... I really really wonder about my workplace.

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My wallet, I cry with you...
Now is the time I raise my finger at the economy and yell obscenely obscene language at it. Why, why must it make the US dollar so much stronger than the Australian dollar at such a time?! Whyyy, dammit??

I came across this gorgeous vintage jacket for sale online which I absolutely fell in love with - and at a price tag of $82, really, it's not that bad.

Of course, that is before I take the recession into account.

After happily adding it into my Paypal shopping cart and recalculating the currency exchange, the total almost doubles! Ugh ugh ugh recession, you are crippling my ability to stimulate the economy with some much-wanted retail therapy! At 1am on a Sunday night I am reduced to spending hours in front of the computer screen holding long, thought-out debates with myself on whether or not a simply stunning brown Velveteen bolero is really worth it! This is important, you guys! Do I really need to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a jacket that I probably will only wear once (or twice) and possibly don't even need??? My brain tells me No, but my body tells me Yes Yes Yesss!!!

Dear God, save my soul for I am succumbing to the evil clenches of consumer commercialization. When in doubt, ask yourself, What Would Naruto Do?! (not the Dalai Lama, because he would tell me not to spend on frivolous purchases - but I must wonder at the exact definition of 'frivolous'... is it frivolous when you strut down High Street feeling like a million bucks in your $AUD140 vintage bolero?? IS IT??)

And I can't even wear it horse riding. AHHH FML.

In the end, I can't resist you, my gorgeous vintage bolero.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009; 11:37 AM
and cats go Meow
My co-worker forwarded me this message exchange between him and an IT personnel at work today.

Sometimes... I wonder about my workplace.

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009; 9:54 PM
hell yeahh britney to tour australia in september!!!
"In like 20 years when people ask me what the greatest day of my life was I'm not going to say the birth of my kids, the wedding to the love of my life or buying my first home - I'm going to say : The Circus ft Britney Spears."

"It's the second coming of Jesus." --McCool


images from Ohnotheydidnt